


Still Time

by JaneNightwork



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (anyone not killed by Leia isn't dead), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bazine is here to fuck shit up, Ben is Professor, Brief mentions of physical/emotional abuse, Canon Extremely Divergent, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, In Takodana we lay our scene, Minor Kaydel/Jess, Minor Rose/Finn, Minor Rose/Finn/Poe, Rey is a mechanic, Soulmates, Space Pirates, Temporary Character Death, What if Leia killed Snoke when Ben was a kid?, and goatherd, do not copy to another site, listen this fic is wild I just (kinda) followed the prompt and here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2020-12-13 18:21:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21002117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneNightwork/pseuds/JaneNightwork
Summary: Canon-Divergent Soulmates AU:Ben Solo doesn't have time to go searching for his soulmate, and he secretly thinks that he may not have one. His mother, however, insists he go on a MateQuest cruise — a cringe-worthy singles trip.He reluctantly agrees, and gets more than he bargained for: space pirates, adventures with new and old friends, and a reunion with the girl he'd had a Force bond with many years ago. Rey is grown up now, and more wonderful and lovely than he could ever have imagined. Suddenly he realizes that she is the soulmate he's been looking for.But there are still mysteries to solve: why was their Force bond dormant for so many years? Why was she convinced that he wouldn't accept her as his soulmate? Why does he still feel echoes of a different version of his life in the Force? And what power was held in the strange amulet wielded by both Snoke and Bazine Netal?





	1. Past and Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the twitter @reylo_prompts tweet: “Ben made a promise to his sick mother to find his soulmate. He didn't expect her to live across the ocean and live in a small village where there's more sheep than people. Not only must he win her over but the nosey townspeople as well.” 
> 
> (In fairness, the end result of this story bears only passing resemblance to the prompt, but once I got started I couldn't stop.)

5 ABY  
LEIA ORGANA & HAN SOLO RESIDENCE, HANNA CITY

Leia relaxed in bed beside Han in their darkened bedroom, smiling to herself as she listened to Han’s deep, comforting breaths as he slept. She traced circles over her own abdomen, feeling the presence of her unborn son both through the Force and through her body, with his continual somersaults in the womb. He was still small enough to move around without pummeling her bladder, for which she was grateful. She supposed all mothers loved their babies as intensely as she loved Ben, but in these quiet moments she still felt as if she loved him more than anyone loved any other person, ever. 

She loved Han, too, of course. Her soulmate, her match. She reached out a hand and touched his bicep, taking care not to wake him. He made a soft noise in his sleep and turned toward her, face scrunching grumpily as he shifted on his sore back. She waited to see if he’d wake, but he didn’t. 

She laughed gently to herself, remembering their first meeting. They’d both been so stubborn and hot tempered they’d fought right through their Knowing. She remembered thinking that no, it wasn’t possible for this smug, sarcastic, infuriating man to be her true love. She thought he’d be intimidated by her (so many men had been), or that he’d leave her behind when the going got rough. But he hadn’t. She’d Known all right, and so had he. 

“Someday you’ll meet your soulmate, little Ben,” she whispered. “And when you do, you’ll just Know. If you two bicker like loth-cats, well: that’s just family tradition.” 

She chuckled again, and Ben seemed to react, curious. Then after a moment he went back to his somersaults. Leia leaned her head back and closed her eyes. 

Just then, Ben’s lazy, playful tumbling became frantic, his tiny, half-formed Force signature flooded with terror. It took her relaxed mind only a fraction of a second to snap into high gear and realize why: a malicious strain of Dark Side energy had threaded its way into her—and was wrapping around Ben like a vine snake around its prey. 

Leia sat bolt upright and clutched her stomach. She closed her eyes and connected with the Force, flooding her womb with all the Light she could muster. The dark energy fled.

“_Stay away from my son_,” Leia snarled, though at who she didn’t know. 

Han came awake, ready for any danger at the tone of her voice.

“Leia! What is it, who’s there?” He was up and had a blaster in his hand before he finished his second sentence. 

“Someone in the Force, trying to corrupt Ben,” she said. She looked at him, and saw her own fright reflected on his face, with an extra layer of confusion. 

“They can do that? How?”

There was a knock on the bedroom door. Luke. “Can I come in?” he asked. 

Han looked at her, and at her nod went to the door and opened it. 

“Did you feel that?” Leia asked her brother. He nodded, looking grave.

“Yes, I did. Whatever it was, you drove it off, for now. But it’ll be back. We need to work on your training.”

* * *

13 ABY  
UNKNOWN REGIONS

The battle had gone on for what felt like hours, though it was probably less than fifteen minutes. Luke lay sprawled on his his side, unconscious but not dead—Leia could feel him in the Force. One of the last of those ridiculous nerf-herders this kriffing menace Snoke was calling his “praetorian guard” had given him a blow to the head. As soon as she got him help, he’d be fine.

If she could survive long enough. 

She wasn’t sure she _would_ survive. She was badly injured with a gash in her side, and a blow to her solar plexus had left her breathing in pained, rattling huffs. Snoke’s Force abilities were overwhelming, even if she could sense that his physical state was incredibly weak. She wasn’t sure if she could overpower him.

If she did die, she was at least glad Han wasn’t here to see it happen: for eight years he had watched her and Luke do everything they could to track down the man tormenting Ben. He’d wanted so much to help, to be there for all of them, but there was nothing he could do. The battle was fought on an arena he could never reach. 

Leia and Snoke stood facing each other, bodies sprawled all around them. Leia’s hair trailed down her sides, having escaped their buns in the fight. Snoke looked for all the world as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening—there was not a speck of dust on his ugly gold robes. He stood tall, the picture of Dark Sider authority. He even wore a ring with what looked like a shard of rock from her father’s Mustafarian castle. 

Leia fought the urge to roll her eyes. All these Dark Sider wannabes thought they knew her father. None of them knew anything. When it came to keepsakes of Anakin, she and Luke were the true inheritors: they had his love. And she had his lightsaber. 

Leia and Snoke both breathed heavily. Neither dared take their eyes off each other, until Snoke’s gaze, venomous and covetous as a snake’s, flicked toward the weapon in Leia’s hand.

“Do you know what I’m going to do with that, once I remove it from your corpse?”

“Your fantasies are irrelevant to me,” Leia said. She wished she could shrug, but it would be too painful with her injuries. 

“Foolish child,” Snoke laughed. It was a genuine laugh, as if he hadn’t heard anything so amusing in months. “I cannot be beaten. I cannot be betrayed. I am going to kill you, and then I am going to _take_ your son—”

The tone, the greed, the almost sexual lilt of his voice made her shake with rage and nausea. He ranted on, only somewhat coherent, about power and authority and rule without end. In a blinding flash, she saw the future through the Force: the New Republic fallen, the entire Hosnian system obliterated, she and Han split—Ben gone to the Dark, Han dead—Han with a red lightsaber through his chest, and Ben the wielder!—no hope, Luke gone, all gone, all _gone_, all dead, no hope—

Leia snapped back to herself. This would not do. She was not foolish, and she was not a child. She would not be cowed by some trumped up Vader worshiper who wanted to play at being a Sith. 

Leia Organa, daughter of Padmé Naberrie and Anakin Skywalker, Princess of Alderaan, Huttslayer, leader of the Rebel Alliance, Senator of the Empire and the New Republic, wife and mother, friend and freedom fighter, ignited her lightsaber. 

She stood proud, with her face in the light of her father’s sword.

“No.”

* * *

15 ABY  
LEIA ORGANA & HAN SOLO RESIDENCE, HANNA CITY

Ben didn’t understand what he was seeing. There was a bassinet in his room, right next to his own bed. Even more terrifying, there was a baby inside it. He couldn’t see the baby yet, but he could hear it, gurgling and cooing. When it made a sad sound and then started to cry, ten-year-old Ben did the only thing he could think to do. He opened his mouth and yelled, “Mo-om?!”

“_Maaai-eee-eeeeeh_?” said the creature in the bassinet. At least it had stopped crying. 

Overcome with curiosity, he moved closer. Sure enough, there was a human baby girl lying in it. At the sight of Ben, her enormous hazel eyes widened and she gave him a huge, toothless grin. She flailed her arms and legs, displacing her blanket. 

“_Ooooooooo-Oooh. Bvvvvvvvvv,_” she gurgled. Her chubby infant hands reached out for him as she laughed. 

Ben was surprised. He didn’t have a lot of experience with babies (or any at all), but this one was cute. She seemed happy to see him, which didn’t make sense, but it was still nice. 

“Ben? What is it?” said his mother. He turned and saw her standing in the doorway. 

“Where’d she come from?” Ben pointed to the baby. His mother looked at him, confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“The baby! She’s right here, see?” Ben had left his finger within the baby’s grabbing distance. She seized it, brought it straight to her mouth, and drooled all over his hand. It was disgusting, but still funny, kind of like the time a tauntaun sneezed on Uncle Luke at the zoo. “That’s my hand, silly! I’m gonna need that back!”

“Ben, look at me,” said his mother, in her “you’d better do as I say _right now”_ voice. He looked up, expecting her to be angry. She wasn’t, just curious. She even smiled a little. “You see a baby? Here? In this room?”

“She’s right here. Don’t you see her? She’s—ah, hey!” He screwed up his eyes in a half-laugh, half-grimace. “She bit my thumb.” 

* * *

25 ABY  
CHAAKO CITY, CHAAKTIL

Bazine Netal was fourteen years old the first time she heard the voice. It was not the most pleasant moment of her life.

She’d been sent by her mentor, Kloda, to “liberate” an item from one of his competitors. It was her first real mission, and she knew if she failed she’d be at best exiled and at worst killed. Kloda wasn’t forgiving. She’d found the item easily enough, though she couldn’t understand why he wanted it so badly: it was just an ugly hunk of black rock shoved haphazardly into some gold to make it a ring. There were strange markings on the side that she didn’t understand. But, what Kloda wanted was what he got. So she pocketed the ring and made her escape. 

Or tried to, anyway. Being shot at with a flamethrower made it difficult to execute an elegant getaway. 

Bazine cried out from the pain and fear when her hair caught fire. She was quick-thinking enough to rip her shirt off and smother the flames, but it didn’t help the pain. She turned to face Kloda’s competitor, who pointed the flamethrower at her heart.

_Are you going to let him kill you?_

Bazine flicked her eyes around. Had she really heard that voice in her head? Was it a delusion brought on by the pain?

_I am no delusion, stupid girl. Do you want to die or not?_

Of course she didn’t want to die. 

_Then do as I say_.

Bazine felt a power rising inside of herself. A dark, twisted, terrible power she never knew existed, but she felt right at home as it flooded through her. She directed all her hatred and rage toward the man who threatened her life and then—pop—so easy, his neck broke and he crumpled to the ground.

_Good. That is very good_. _From now on you must call me Master. And you must always keep this little trinket that you have found tonight with you. Go on, put it on. It is my first gift to you. _

“Thank you, Master,” Bazine said with a shaking voice. The power had drained out of her, and now she felt only nausea, pain, and terror. But when she took the ring out of her pocket and tried to slip it onto her finger she found that it was too big, and it slipped off.

_Find a chain, then_. 

“Please, Master, that power—my burns didn’t hurt—can you heal me? Could you make my hair grow back?”

_Perhaps. If you please me._

“But—”

Lightning crackled out from the ring and surrounded Bazine. She collapsed to the ground and twitched in agony. The only thing her eyes registered was the vacant expression of the man she’d just murdered. She hoped she’d die.

_Don’t be dramatic. Get up, and do as you’re told. _


	2. Chapter One: On the X-Wings of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben, now thirty-five, promises his mother that he will (against his better judgment) go on a MateQuest cruise in the hopes of finding his soulmate. Once aboard he sees a long lost friend, Poe Dameron. Poe tells him that he's been having strange dreams about a woman reciting the Sith code. What could it mean?

10 ABY  
LEIA ORGANA & HAN SOLO RESIDENCE, CHANDRILA

The bedtime rituals for five-year-old Ben Solo were extremely intricate, especially when his parents were away. At the bare minimum there were multiple nightlights, the favorite blanket, and the essential stuffed toy. Ben didn’t like to go to bed; he suffered from chronic night terrors and complained that the Bad Man tormented him as he slept. 

Chewbacca was very familiar with these rituals, and while he might have scoffed at other parents being so indulgent, he knew better with Ben. He checked and rechecked the nightlights, which had an infuriating habit of “mysteriously” turning off in the middle of the night. He ensured the presence of the favorite blanket and the stuffed toy, and refilled the Bad Man Begone spray bottle. It was only water, but it made Ben feel more secure, and as Luke had explained, Ben feeling secure was a good part of the battle. Then he gently (for a Wookiee) convinced Ben it was time to get into his pyjamas and listen to a bedtime story. He sat in the chair beside Ben’s bed and began his tale. 

“Once upon a time a princess married a scoundrel. He wasn’t actually a scoundrel at all. He was a very nice man, but he liked people to _think_ he was a scoundrel. They had lots of adventures, and then—”

“Why did he want people to think he was a scoundrel, if he was a nice man?” asked Ben. Chewbacca, with a sigh, remembered fondly that when Ben was a baby, he hadn’t asked any questions. 

“Because it made him feel brave and daring. Which he was, but if the real scoundrels found out that he was also soft-hearted, they’d tease him. And he didn’t like to be teased.”

“I understand that,” Ben said, a frown on his small elven face. “I don’t like to be teased either.”

Chewbacca went on with his (extremely sanitized) story about the absolutely true adventures of the princess and the scoundrel, satisfied to see how Ben’s eyelids grew heavier and heavier. Other children might not have found the growls of Shyriiwook soothing, but Ben was not most children. He and his Uncle Chewie were very close. 

Just as he got up to leave the room, Ben opened his eyes. 

“When will mommy and daddy and Uncle Luke be back?” he asked. 

“As soon as they can be.” He hoped that this time they would find Snoke—and kill him, and then these long absences could stop. 

“Do they love me?” 

Ben’s tone was soft, genuinely curious. 

“Your mommy and daddy and Uncle love you very, very much. Why do you ask?”

“The bad man said that if they loved me, they wouldn’t leave me alone so much. He said he’s the only one that loves me, because he’s the only one that’s always with me.”

Chewbacca gritted his teeth, wishing he could sink them into Snoke instead. 

“Never leaving someone alone isn’t what love is, little one.” 

Ben's face turned from sad to thoughtful, considering this. Then he looked up again. “What is love?”

Chewbacca sighed, and sat back down.

* * *

25 ABY  
NEAR NIIMA OUTPOST, JAKKU

When the Force connected them, Ben found Rey eating her evening portion. He sat with her while she ate, wishing more than ever that he could find her and bring her to Chandrila. Ten-year-olds shouldn’t have to survive on portions. He grimaced, watching her excitedly wolf down food that he’d find tasteless and disgusting. She’d told him that she lived on Jakku, near Niima Outpost, and that she was an indentured servant to Unkar Plutt. Surely that should have been enough information to find one girl. But it was as if Rey was made of smoke. Every time he and Han went to Jakku, she drifted away on the breeze.

Rey pulled him from his troubled thoughts by suggesting they make towers of rocks. 

“Ben?” 

“Yes?” 

“How old are you?”

“I’m twenty.”

The mouth of her soft, round face turned down. Ben could feel as much as see her emotions. Loneliness, bitter disappointment, sadness, longing. So much sadness. Ben felt his heart squeeze. He waited for her to say something, but all she said was, “Oh.”

He kept his eyes on his pile of rocks. “Why?” he asked casually.

“Nothing,” she shrugged, thin shoulders curling in on themselves.

“Rey,” he said gently. “What did we say about ‘nothing?’” 

She sighed mightily and then repeated, not for the first time, “Nothing is nothing and it’s okay to say something.”

“Well?”

“It’s just—it’s stupid.” She refused to meet his eyes, and stacked her rocks so haphazardly he thought she must have unconsciously been using the Force to keep them in place, because otherwise they would’ve tumbled. “I thought we could get married. But you’re twenty, and I’m only ten. You wouldn’t want to marry me, you’d want to marry a lady.”

Ben felt the end of the Force connection approaching, and rushed to reassure her before he was pulled away.

“You will want to marry your soulmate, when the time comes. They'll be your own age, not someone old and boring like me. Just because we don’t get married, doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. There are lots of way to love, not just marriage. I love you, Rey.”

She looked up at him, panicked tears in her eyes. She must’ve been able to feel the connection ending, too.

“Don’t leave!” Her hands reached out towards him, but he was already falling away.

“I’ll come back, sweetheart, I promise.”

* * *

40 ABY  
LEIA ORGANA & HAN SOLO RESIDENCE, CHANDRILA

Ben graded papers at the desk in his parents’ Hanna City living room, while his mother dozed on the chaise in front of the window, book lying forgotten on her lap. He kept a close watch on her for any sign of pain or distress. It was a peaceful afternoon, filled with comfortable silence. His students’ papers were better than he expected; he was proud of their work this semester. He wrote an A on the front page of the paper he’d just finished and smiled. 

“Ben, I want you to do something for me,” said Leia, reaching out her hand. Ben rushed over to sit on the edge of the chaise where she rested. He took her hand and held it. Her hands seemed so much smaller than his, now that he was an adult. 

Leia, who was nearing sixty years old, looked healthy. Her hair, bound up in its usual Alderaanian braids, held few traces of grey, and the lines around her face were mostly smile lines. Ben sometimes felt echoes in the Force of another version of his life, one in which his mother wore her hair in mourning for his father and had to take up the role of General—a life in which he wore a black mask and carried a red lightsaber. But in this life, in this time, his mother’s greatest adversary was something far more mundane: illness. She _looked _healthy, but looks could be deceiving. 

“What is it? Do you need something to eat?”

“No. I need you to make a real, concerted effort to find your soulmate. No more excuses.”

Ben ground his teeth. “Mother, we have been through this. I don’t have time to go gallivanting around when you’re so sick. We don’t even know—”

“Excuse me,” Leia interrupted. She sat up in the chaise and put her shoulders back. Ben knew he didn’t stand a chance when she adopted her Princess-Senator posture. “We know a great deal more than you are acknowledging. I have Cardooine Chills, not Rakghoul plague. Yes, it’s a strong strain. But the statistics for recovery are very good. This is me. I’m won't be denied meeting my grandchildren because of some garden variety illness.”

Ben opened his mouth to speak, but Leia held up a hand.

“No, Ben, I mean it: I won’t hear another word. There has always been some excuse. When you were very young, you were being tormented day and night by Snoke. Well, he’s been dead since you were eight. Frankly, I’m glad I killed him. After that you grew up beautifully, inside and out. I’m very proud of you. I hope you know that. But there has always been something holding you back. First it was—him, then it was school, then getting a job. Now you’re trying to use me, and I won’t have it. I want you to go on one of those cruises.”

Ben groaned and put his head in hands. “Are you _sure_ I can’t just bring you a damn sandwich?”

“Sure you can, once we’ve finished this conversation. The cruise, Ben. I want you to go on it.”

“I am not going on a MateQuest cruise. I won’t! They’re a scam. They take people’s life savings for a glorified intergalactic game of tourist hopscotch. Do you know the statistics? Fewer than three percent of people find their soulmates! No, I won’t do it. I am morally opposed.”

“Ben,” Leia sighed. “I know it’s not the money you’re worried about. What are you so afraid of?”

Ben fidgeted uncomfortably on the edge of the chaise. It was one of his mother’s favorite places to sit, but he hated it. The cushions were a beautiful crimson, plush and deep, but it was too low to the ground, which left his knees piled up toward his shoulders, and in order to look at his mother he had to twist his giant, ungainly body into an awkward position with his feet stacked on top of each other. He would’ve stood, but he knew his mother’s grip on his hand would only tighten if he tried to break free. 

The subject matter was as uncomfortable as the chaise. Ninety percent of people found their soulmate between the ages of ten and twenty. Those who reached twenty without meeting their soulmate faced ridicule and derision. They were the butt of every comedian’s sly, unkind joke. 

Ben hadn’t had time to look for his soulmate during the usual years. He’d been focused on other things. He was  an awkward child and teen, Force sensitive but afraid of his own shadow, and recovering from an early life of physical and emotional abuse by an evil megalomaniac. 

There had also been Rey to think about. They’d had a very strong Force bond, which had connected them frequently in those ten years. Rey had been a vulnerable girl: extraordinarily strong with the Force, but all alone on Jakku. He’d thought maybe the Force connected them so that he could watch over her, and make sure that she wasn’t targeted the way he had been. He’d taught her how to protect herself from outside interference in the Force, and tried to give her all the care and support she deserved. Then, when he was twenty, their bond vanished into thin air and he never saw her again. He’d looked for her countless times, only to face dead ends at every turn. It still bothered him deeply, even fifteen years later.

Ben had no more idea how to go about finding his soulmate than he knew how to track down the elusive Rey. But then, no one did. The Knowing, as it was called, usually (though not always) happened the first time two soulmates met face to face. The sensation was so powerful, so compelling, that it couldn’t be denied. When someone met their soulmate, they just Knew. Both partners would feel an overwhelming amount of love for each other, and total security that even when the first flush of attraction and infatuation passed, they’d be building a relationship with the one person in the whole universe that was their perfect match. It was said to be one of the best experiences of a person’s life. 

It was also supposed to be very simple, but there was one snag: most people found their match through blind luck. Which was how ridiculous scams like MateQuest cruises were able to stay in business: they parted foolhardy idiots from their money and then took them all over the galaxy, where they’d go to meetups in the hope of bumping into their soulmate. 

Ben wished soul bonds had some sort of tangible evidence or proof. Maybe everyone could be born with a mark, and their soulmate would have an identical one. Or maybe they’d know the name of their soulmate, at least. Maybe the government could just send everyone a letter when they turned eighteen. Anything would be better than stumbling blindly through life making eye contact with strangers without having any idea of what he was looking for. In general he tried to avoid thinking about soulmates at all, because the more the years marched on, the more he became convinced he didn’t have one. 

“I’m thirty-five. Everyone else already found their soulmate. If I go on a cruise, I’ll look ridiculous. I’ll _feel_ ridiculous. And what if she’s already married or something? What if she’s dead?”

“What if she’s waiting?” She looked at him with soft, sad eyes. 

Ben’s heart gave a lurch; he hadn’t thought of that. He exhaled sharply and pressed his lips together. Leia, seeing the change in his face, pressed her advantage.

“What if she’s waiting, Ben? What if she knows you’re out there somewhere but she can’t find you? What if she thinks you don’t want her?”

“No one’s waiting for me, Mom. I’m not—I might not be worth waiting for.”

“Stop that!” said Leia, ferocity coming into her voice. She reached for Ben’s hand again and gripped it tightly. “That’s a horrible thing to say! And it’s not true. I know she’s out there. Ben, I can _feel_ her. Can’t you feel her?”

***

Ben held out for as long as he could, but he knew it was a losing battle. Eventually he agreed to book a passage on the next MateQuest cruise, which would conveniently take place in between semesters at Chandrila University, where Ben taught Intergalactic Relations and Rights. The night before he left on the cruise, he had dinner at his parents’ apartment with Han, Leia, Chewie, and Luke. They sat at the dining room table in front of large windows overlooking the hustle and bustle of Hanna City. When Leia got sick she hired a chef (there were no kitchen droids in any of the Skywalker-Solo extended family homes, after one attacked Ben when he was a child). Leia had ordered all of Ben’s favorite dishes for that night, guessing correctly that he’d be nervous and would appreciate the comfort food. 

“I almost suspect that you asked MateQuest to schedule a cruise between semesters just so I couldn’t use classes as an excuse,” Ben grumbled, shortly after they sat down. He had initially been joking, but when he saw Leia’s cryptic smile his suspicion grew, especially as he took in his father and uncles’ refusal to look up from their plates.

“Just promise me one thing,” Ben said to his mother. She looked up. “Promise me this isn’t some sort of scheme to send me away because things are going worse than you’re telling me, and you’re hoping I’ll find my soulmate so I won’t be sad if you die.”

Leia didn’t flinch, though Han, Luke, and Chewbacca did.

“I’m not dying, Ben, and that is final. Getting sick put things into perspective for me, that’s all. And since the Republic is strong and my family is healthy, what else am I going to meddle in besides my son’s love life? It’s only natural.”

The next morning, Ben found himself on the deck of the X-Wings of Love, MateQuest’s flagship intergalactic cruise liner. It was a grand spaceship, gleaming pearlescent white and enormous in size. The main deck was a glassed-in observation deck, which otherwise looked for all the world like the deck of luxury watership, fully climate controlled to feel like a pleasantly warm afternoon. It was festooned with sickening decorations in the shapes of hearts (of various species) and the silhouettes of people kissing and holding hands.

He felt miserably self conscious. There were bright, hopeful, young faces everywhere. Many of them were dressed up, probably hoping to meet their soulmate among the other passengers. Multiple languages, some human and some not, mixed with Basic and laughter and datapads chirping to add to the general clatter. To their credit, most of the other passengers were too busy wrapped up in their own hopes to pay any attention to the massive thirty-five year old man in their midst, even if he felt as though he stuck out like a rathtar in a tea garden. 

Once all of the passengers were gathered on the deck, they were invited to sit and “enjoy” the opening ceremony, featuring an introduction to the Captain. No doubt the ceremony would be as theatrical and stereotypical as the decorations, and twice as noisy as the on-boarding. Ben, whose patience with the shouting and jostling was already wearing thin, passed the densely packed rows at the front of the arena and tried to find a seat in the back as close to the aisle as possible. He looked at one of the chairs and sighed. It was much too small for him—it had been designed for teenagers, not adults. He sat down tentatively, and the chair wobbled, letting out an alarming squeak. He huffed and moved one seat over. It was still small, and his legs were still cramped against the row in front of him, but at least this chair wouldn’t collapse under his weight. Looking around, he grudgingly had to admit that the ship, while garish and an environmental hazard to many of the planets they’d be visiting, was impressive in its amenities. In addition to the theater arena there were swimming pools, walking paths, and various sports to indulge in. Ben thumbed through the brochure and hoped that the library was as impressive as the observation deck, or at least quiet. 

He sat so far back that when the last two stragglers came in, he found that the seats beside him were the only ones still available, so he waved them over. There were two human women—one, a nervous-looking elderly woman, and a younger, friendly-looking blonde woman he assumed was her granddaughter. They got settled just as the lights went down and the music began to play. 

“Thank you so much,” said the younger woman, heavy with relief. “We had a terrible time with the shuttle; I thought we might not make it after all.”

“I’m glad you did,” said Ben, to be polite. He hoped she wasn’t trying to start a conversation to see if they’d Know. She was an attractive woman, with blonde hair and wide brown eyes, and he anticipated there would be numerous conversations between people hoping to find each other, hoping to Know. But he just couldn’t face the endless cycle of curiosity, hope, and disappointment. He intended to spend the majority of the cruise in his cabin reading and avoiding everyone. She must have seen the expression on his face, because she gave him a reassuring smile.

“Not to worry; I’m taken. I met my soulmate last year. I’m here for my grandmother,” the young woman said confidentially, indicating the woman beside her with a small nod of her head. “I knew she’d never come on one of these things without someone she knew, so here I am. She never found her soulmate because her father never allowed her off-world—said it was for religious reasons but I think he was just mean.”

Ben was moved, both by the hope of the grandmother and the generosity of the granddaughter. He looked at the older woman, who was clutching her purse on her lap but looking around at everything. Her expression was as bright and glowing as any of the teenagers’. Just as he was about to introduce himself, the orchestral music reached a crescendo and a man in a pristine white captain’s uniform stepped up to the microphone on the stage.

The Captain was Poe Dameron. Ben was torn between rolling his eyes and laughing out loud. Poe was an old school friend of Ben’s. And while he’d had no idea that Poe had left the military and gone into commercial flying, he was totally unsurprised that Poe had chosen this area of commercial flight. It appealed to his sense of overwhelming charisma. 

“Welcome to the X-Wings of Love!” Poe shouted gleefully into the microphone. He was met by a chorus of whoops and cheers. He lead the crowd through a well rehearsed introduction, whipping them into a frenzy of anticipation and delight. They were all so certain, he realized. He could feel it in the Force: even though they all surely knew the statistics, every single one of them was convinced they’d meet their match. It was hard to tell whether he should pity or admire them. 

Once the opening ceremony was finally completed, Ben introduced himself to the two women, Kaydel and Larma, and promised to sit with them at dinner. He slipped away off the observation deck and headed straight for his cabin. It was a great deal more comfortable than his bunk on the Falcon, to his immense relief. There were mahogany-paneled walls and carpeted floors, with a decent-sized bed, a small table (too low, _again_, to his critical eye), a desk, and a small kitchenette. The fresher was small, but private, and that was all he cared about. He flopped onto the bed, which was thankfully long enough for him to stretch out, and put a hand over his eyes. This was going to be his home for the next month. It was going to be a long cruise. 

He’d barely had a moment’s peace when there was an entirely too cheerful knock on his door. He waited a moment, hoping the person on the other side of the door would give up, but no such luck. There was a second knock, equally cheerful as the first. Ben felt tentatively out with the Force. Who could possibly have found his room? Poe Dameron’s voice drifted through the door. “Ben! Cut that out and let me in, you maudl in old fool.” 

Ben groaned, but got up off the bed and opened the door. Poe grinned at him and held up a bottle of Corellian brandy. 

“I didn’t know you were strong with the Force,”  Ben said  as he stepped aside to let Poe in. He frowned. They’d spent a lot of time together in school—he wasn’t sure how he’d missed that.

“I’m not.” He extracted two cups from the complimentary bar in the kitchenette and poured the brandy into both of them. One glass, Ben noted, held considerably more alcohol than the other. He was mildly surprised when Poe passed him the fuller glass. Seeing his expression, Poe said, “You need a drink and I need my wits. But no, I’m not ‘strong’ with the Force. I can feel it, though. It’s always right there, just—_just_ out of reach, but I can’t access it. Sometimes it drives me nuts, but I think it’s the reason I’m such a good pilot.”

They sat down together at the absurdly low table. 

“It’s good to see you, Ben,”  Poe's voice was soft with sincerity. 

“You too.” Ben was surprised by how much he meant it. Poe was a rabble rouser and had a talent for unnecessary trouble, but he was a good and loyal friend. 

“Your mother called me, to let me know you’d be on the cruise, and to tell me not to let you hide in your cabin reading the entire time.”

“Of course she did.” He resisted the urge to cross his arms and pout like a child.

“She knows you,”  said Poe with a laugh. “How is she, by the way? I heard she was sick, but she didn’t sound it when we spoke.”

“Cardooine Chills,”  said Ben, nodding into his whiskey glass. “She was investigating a case of local doctors price-gouging the vaccine, and got infected. It’s a tough strain, and she keeps pushing herself to go back to work.” He shrugged with a w ry smile. “But, you know my mother. Nothing can really beat her.”

Poe nodded, looking sympathetic. “I bet the last thing you want right now is to be on a flying teenaged-hormone-hothouse.”

Ben let out a surprised bark of laughter, and nodded. 

“Look, I know the whole thing must seem stupid, but give it a shot.”

This time Ben did huff. He couldn’t help it. If one more person told him that he should go to singles events, sign up for Soulmate-Less Singles Over Thirty message boards, or “just get out there, you never know who you’ll meet!” he’d scream out of sheer frustration, humiliation, and despair. Poe raised a placating hand.

“No, really. People find each other, more often than they admit. I don’t blame them for keeping quiet. Who wants to admit they found their soulmate because of some company’s marketing ploy? But seriously: the only way you can guarantee you won’t meet your match is if you don’t try.”

“Poe, I’m thirty-five.”

“I know how old you are.” Poe rolled his eyes. “You’re not the only one over twenty on this ship. You’d be surprised how often it takes people a little bit longer to find their soulmate. Take me, for example. I’m older than you. Do you think I’m hopeless, and should resign myself to tragic solitude for the rest of my life?”

His tone was light, his trademark devil-may-care grin in place, but Ben could tell there was an undertone of real anxiety there. 

“And waste the opportunity of passing on your good looks? Don’t be ridiculous, entire planets would riot.” Poe laughed, a real laugh this time, and looked both happier and younger. Ben paused and then said, “I am surprised, Poe. And sorry. It must weigh on you.”

Poe shrugged as if it was nothing, and then frowned, swirling the brandy in his glass. “There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about, too.”

“What’s up?”

“I’m glad you’re on this voyage. I might need your help. I’ve been having…dreams.”

“What kind of dreams?” Ben sat up straight and pushed his glass aside. Anything serious enough to worry the notoriously reckless Poe wasn’t to be taken lightly. 

“The weird kind. I keep hearing someone, a woman. She’s plotting something. Last night I heard snippets of the Sith code, and your name.”

Ben inhaled sharply. “Poe, you should’ve told me. I shouldn’t be here—I’m a Skywalker, I make a huge kriffing target. If they’re Sith, and after me, I could be putting everyone on this ship in danger.”

“Relax! Listen, I’m probably just eating too much spicy food before bed. I don’t think it’s real. And even if it is, our security is very good. Our head guy programs the security droids himself, and he uses the old Galactic KX models. They’re sassy as hell, but effective. A bantha flea couldn’t get past them. But if things do get exciting, I want you to know I’m looking out for you. And if things get _really_ exciting, I want you with me in the cockpit.”

“I’m not a pilot!” Ben yelped, sounding like a startled dog.

“The hell you’re not! I know you can fly. Anyway, have fun, and don’t worry.” Poe finished his drink, stood, and clapped Ben on the shoulder. “And finish that brandy. It’s bad luck to waste good liquor.”

That night Ben had a strange dream of his own. The sands of Jakku stretched all around him, but could feel nothing. He felt sluggish and not fully in control of his movements. He couldn’t feel the heat of the sand under his feet or the sun over his head. Then he saw Rey, sitting on the ground in front of him. He felt the weight of their fifteen year separation when he looked at her young face again, still looking ten years old. Her face was settled into the adorable pout he remembered as she wrestled her hair into the three-bun style he’d taught her. But when she saw him, her expression morphed into feral hostility. 

“I hate you!” she screamed. 

“Rey, I missed you, I’m so sorry—” He reached his arms out to her, placating, but it was no use. 

“Look at me now, aren’t I a lady?” she sneered, and grew as she spoke into an adult woman. He felt her in the Force, a jagged spot of anger and cruelty. “Do you still _love_ me, Ben? Aren’t there _so many ways_ to love a person? Won’t you call me sweetheart again?”

With every word she sent shards of disdain and contempt at him through the Force. Her life had become desolate, and her bright mind blunted, twisted, and sharpened from long years of using it only as a weapon. Her potential was squandered and all of her hopes were shattered.

“I’m sorry.” He stumbled back a few steps. 

“Your fault!” she snarled. 

She turned away and left, unknowingly leaving behind a small wooden box with two kyber crystals etched into the lid. It was the Alderaanian keepsake box his mother had given him to give to Rey. He watched her leave, then picked up the box and opened it. There were only a few things inside it—worthless scraps that would only mean something to a child. He picked up a piece of paper from the bottom of the box and read it. He remembered it. He’d written their names on it, to help Rey learn her letters. Rey had later drawn a heart around their names, and a little plus sign between them. Ben sighed shakily and dropped the paper back into the box so that he could wipe the tears from his eyes. 

Poe appeared out of thin air beside him, his white Captain’s uniform bright against the Jakku sands. He indicated the box. “Look again.”

Ben did, and there was the chronometer that Ben used to wear in his early twenties. How Rey had got hold of it he had no idea. He picked it up and saw that, somehow, it was still working.

“You see, Ben?” said Poe. “There’s still time.”


	3. Shipwrecked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a spot of bother with some space pirates, and an unexpected encounter with a goat shepherdess.

The cruise’s first destination was Cloud City on Bespin, which was going to take several days of idle drifting to reach. There were shorter stops along the way, but most of them only lasted long enough for the ship to refuel and the passengers to step off the ship for a quick meal. Ben spent the first few days getting to know Kaydel and Larma. He was glad for the chance to make friends with them. Kaydel was smart and quick-witted, with a personality that was bright and outgoing. She talked constantly about her grandmother and her soulmate, Jess, and drew Ben out of himself with gentle teasing and spontaneous hugs. 

Ben had observed that most people became more affectionate with friendly hugs and cheek-kisses after they’d found their soulmates, since there wasn’t any more danger of someone accidentally getting the wrong impression. But Kaydel was even more affectionate than most people who’d met their match. She kept saying that he reminded her of a sad dog in a comic she’d read as a child back on her homeworld, Warlentta. She told him she hoped he’d meet his soulmate on the cruise, so that she’d know someone was hugging him regularly once she wasn’t around to do it every day. 

“Everyone needs hugs, Ben. Even glowering professors.”

Larma was equally good company, and equally affectionate, though much shyer and quieter. Ben had been confused at first that someone who never met their soulmate had grandchildren (non-soul marriages were extremely rare), but Kaydel explained that while Larma had never married, she had adopted three children, one of whom was Kaydel’s mother.

Ben began to have fun in spite of himself. He ate meals with Kaydel and Larma, participated in group activities only when forced (usually by Kaydel), and generally hid in the library, which was a great deal bigger than he’d thought it would be, and had an impressive collection of both fiction and non-fiction books. There was even a section on intergalactic politics that held some of his favorite authors. Ben soon found out why: one of his mother’s old Senate colleagues was the librarian.

“Mon Mothma?” he asked when he saw her, hardly believing his eyes.

“Ben! You’re all grown up. I don’t think I’ve seen you since you were eleven years old.”

They exchanged small talk about his career and his mother’s health, which he assured her would improve.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she said with a soft smile after a short silence. “And yes, it is strange that a New Republic Senator should start a second career with MateQuest. But after the Empire fell, and once the New Republic was pretty well established, I realized I’d spent my entire life just doing my duty, trying to keep people from getting slaughtered. I don’t regret that, of course, and I’d do it again. But I never got to do anything I wanted to. I realized what I wanted was to travel the galaxy and read a lot of books. So here I am.”

Ben couldn’t argue with that. 

For three days nothing sinister happened. On the third day there was even some happy excitement, when he unwittingly introduced Larma to her soulmate. 

“Ben!” Larma said sharply as she approached his table in the library, the heavy-soled shoes she wore breaking the silence like a runaway fathier. “I know you’ve been hiding in here to avoid meeting people, but it’s time to come out. Kaydel wants to play tennis, and I can’t keep up with her because of my knees. Now, come along.”

“I haven’t be avoiding people!” Ben leaned back and gestured to the ten books open on his table, to indicate his research progress. 

“You’ve been avoiding everyone in here all afternoon,” interrupted Mon Mothma. “Don’t deny it—every time someone has come in here you’ve disappeared into the stacks.” 

“Isn’t he silly?” said Larma to Mon Mothma.

“He is,” said Mon Mothma. “But I like him anyway.”

“So do I,” said Larma. Ben looked back and forth between them. They were both grinning like schoolgirls, staring into each others’ eyes. Ben only realized what was happening when he saw a soft blush spread across Larma’s cheeks.

“I’ll go find Kaydel,” he announced to the room, knowing that neither of them was listening. When soulmates first Knew, no one else existed to them for at least a few hours. There was usually a great deal of hugging, laughing, kissing, and other heartwarming (or sickening, depending on the perspective) displays of affection. Most people were kind and tolerant enough to leave the new soulmates alone until the first tidal wave of the Knowing wore off. 

Ben left the library quickly and walked in the direction of the tennis courts. He found that the older he got, the more it hurt to be around people when they met their soulmates. He was happy for Larma and Mon Mothma, but he didn’t think he could stand to watch them together until he’d got a chance to catch his breath. 

He caught up with Kaydel on the tennis courts and told her the news. She laughed, jumped into his arms, and kissed both his cheeks.

“Bless you and your incessant reading! I can’t wait to tell Mom, and Jess! I just knew this cruise was gonna work. And it did, thanks to you,” she said, then kissed his cheek again, making Ben laugh.

They played tennis, but only to give Kaydel something to do with her excess energy. What she really wanted to do was find her grandmother and congratulate her, and meet Mon Mothma. But after so many years apart, they deserved some privacy. Ben and Kaydel played a few sets with a togruta brother and sister, and then one against a couple named Grummgar and Bazine. 

Bazine was a human woman, elegant and lethal in her movements. Grummgar was a dowtin man, hulking in size and with a blunt, nasty sense of humor. Ben instantly disliked them, and though she was polite, Ben could tell Kaydel didn’t like them either. They were rude to both him and Kaydel, not-so-subtly accusing them of being in a sexual relationship, and blatantly cheated to win the game. At first Ben thought the creeping anxiety and discomfort he felt was due to their manners, but the longer the game went on, the more he realized that it wasn’t a fluke or a mystery: the Force around the two of them felt dark and threatening. 

In general, Ben avoided actively using the Force. His earliest experiences with it were so dark and frightening that it was hard sometimes to separate his trauma from the Force’s balance and beauty. Even when he did use his powers, he generally tried to avoid reading people’s thoughts and emotions directly. It was one thing to involuntarily understand what someone projected, or to feel out and see who was knocking on his door—that wasn’t an intentional invasion of privacy. To actively search another’s thoughts or feelings was, and it could backfire. Someone might be in a bad mood, or in a weak moment. He tried to leave people’s thoughts to themselves. But after a while he reached out and tentatively felt around Bazine’s Force signature. He immediately recoiled. Her Force signature was a lightening storm of hatred and violence.

He made up an excuse to get Kaydel away from them as soon as the game was over. He felt certain that Bazine was the woman Poe had dreamed about, and wanted to warn him.

He was trying to come up with an excuse to get away from Kaydel long enough to speak to Poe alone when she said, “Grummgar and Bazine are well known mercenaries on Warlentta. I don’t know what they’re doing on this ship, but they’re not looking for their soulmates.”

“You knew that the whole time?” he asked, and she nodded. “How do you know that?” 

“I know lots of things,” she said with an oh-so-casual shrug. “But how I know isn’t the point. They’re murderers, that’s the point. They shouldn’t be here.”

“Then why did you agree to playing tennis with them?” he whispered harshly as they made their way through the halls to Poe’s quarters.

“I can’t arrest them with a tennis racket, Ben. I was trying to figure out why they’re here.”

They found Poe in his Captain’s quarters, resting ahead of his nightshift. He opened the door looking rumpled and grumpy, but as soon as he saw Kaydel and Ben’s expressions he was on high alert. He brought them into his quarters and let them explain everything.

“I’ll let security know. We’re coming into port at Bespin tonight, so we can escort them off the ship,” said Poe. 

Ben suggested that they contact his mother to keep her advised of the situation and to request that she contact the police in Bespin, just in case Grummgar and Bazine really did attempt anything. Poe agreed.

“Look, the important thing for now is to act like nothing’s wrong. Go back out there, have dinner with your friends, do whatever you’d normally do. If they get a feeling they’re found out, they might do something rash.” 

“What I want to know is, how did Bazine and Grummgar, who Kaydel tells us are both wanted for murder in several systems, got past your bantha-flea proof security,” said Ben. Poe nodded and rubbed his unshaven cheeks, looking troubled.

“I don’t know. It should be impossible. No one has successfully boarded a MateQuest cruise with false ID before.”

“Well this is an adventure,” said Kaydel when they left Poe’s cabin. They walked down the corridor toward the Main Hall. 

“I hope not,” he said darkly. He looked at her and felt a stab of dread. “For your sake and your grandmother’s and everyone else on this ship, if not for me.”

“Don’t you worry about me and Grandma. We’re made of tough stuff,” Kaydel said, punching him lightly on the arm. 

Dinner was served at large round tables in the Main Hall. Ben sat as usual with Kaydel and Larma, and now Mon Mothma. Larma and Mon Mothma held hands and laughed softly together, getting caught up after a lifetime of separation. Ben began to relax as the first course was served, only to have the calm and happy atmosphere shattered when Bazine sat down next to him, Grummgar mysteriously absent.

“Hello again, Ben,” she purred. 

Everything about Bazine was clearly designed to seduce. Her monochrome style, from the hood she wore over her hair to her striking black eye makeup, were meticulously chosen and visually arresting. He was sure she usually succeeded in keeping all eyes on her. To Ben, though, her Force signature was so toxic he could barely stand to look at her. He was especially repulsed by a necklace she wore—just a nondescript chunk of black stone in a gold setting, but it radiated an energy so vile that Ben thought it might make him sick. He tried to look at it from the corner of his eye to see if he could identify it. Was it a Sith artifact? He couldn’t be sure. 

“See something you like?” she asked when she caught him looking. She put her finger through the chain and dragged the stone across her breasts. Ben looked away.

“I was just admiring your necklace. I think—”

“I know what you were admiring,” she said with a knowing grin. “It’s all right. I don’t mind.”

No, Ben thought, she didn’t mind, but he did. He could feel her true intentions in the Force: she didn’t want to pleasure him, she wanted to hurt him. She wanted power, control, domination, revenge. Her political ambition was so loud in the Force, Ben had to stop himself from covering his ears. 

“Oh, no, that’s not—I’m sorry Bas—Bar—” he intentionally flubbed her name. She flushed, insulted.

“Bazine,” she snapped, then seemed to recover herself. She caressed his forearm with her fingertips, ever so gently. “I’ll have to work on making a more memorable impression.”

“Ah, don’t worry, I’m terrible with names, sometimes I can hardly remember my own. How long did it take me to remember your name, Kaydel?” he said. He raised his arm to run his hand through his hair, purely to get it out of Bazine’s clutches. 

“You never forgot my name,” Kaydel said cheerfully. Bazine’s rage spiked in the Force sharply enough to make Ben dizzy. It was a mistake to bring Kaydel into the conversation, he realized. 

To keep her attention off of Kaydel, Larma, and Mon Mothma, Ben allowed himself to be drawn into Bazine’s attempts at seduction. He could feel Kaydel’s worry and concern, and even her affectionate frustration at one point as he made a show of being flattered by Bazine’s increasingly vulgar attentions. She unknowingly projected “YOU IDIOT” at one point, and he nearly laughed out loud. He only recovered at the last second by pretending to choke on his water. He could tell that Kaydel wasn’t Force sensitive, so he had no way of telling her that he hadn’t fallen for the ruse. 

Bazine ordered them both whiskies with dessert, and was altogether too insistent that Ben drink his. He begged off repeatedly, citing a low alcohol tolerance, a preference for coffee, anything he could think of, but she wouldn’t be deterred. Naturally this made him all the more determined _not_ to drink it. Things were just reaching a breaking point when the dance music started in the hall next to the dining room.

“Benny!” Kaydel leapt up from her seat and pounced on him like an overeager toddler. She absolutely never called him Benny (no one did), and she made a big show of acting drunk, swaying around and giggling, though he knew she hadn’t had more than one glass of wine. He frowned, wondering what she was up to. “This is my favorite, favorite, _favorite_ song! Come on, you just _have_ to dance with me!”

He thought he might prefer taking his chances with the whiskey over dancing in public. 

“Ben’s busy speaking with the grownups right now, Kaydel _dear_,” said Bazine. “Why don’t you run along and dance by yourself? You might meet someone handsome in there.”

“I dunno who’d be more surprised by that, me or my soulmate,” Kaydel laughed. Then she made a big show of tugging Ben’s arms, swinging them wide. “Come _on_, please you just have to—oh!”

Kaydel had accomplished her goal. The glass of whiskey was oh-so-casually knocked over, its contents soaking the tablecloth. 

“Oops! Never mind, Benny, I’ll buy you another one after the song. _Come on_,” she said, pulling him forcibly to his feet, so that he had no choice but to follow. 

As soon as they were out of sight, Kaydel turned and swatted him on the chest. “You, you—you absolute—_moron!_” she said. Still frustrated, she swatted him on the chest two more times. “You imbecile! You idiot!”

“All right, all right—hey, that’s enough,” he said. “I wasn’t actually interested in her, Kaydel. I’m not that stupid. I was playing along so she’d leave you and your family alone.”

“That’s just what makes you so dumb! ” Kaydel vented. “She _knew_ you were faking it, Ben. You’re so obvious, you have the poker face of a protocol droid.” Two human teenagers walked by, eying them with amusement and open curiosity. Ben glowered at them, and they scuttled into the dance hall. Kaydel was undaunted and kept ranting, throwing her hands around to emphasize her point.

“If she knew you weren’t interested, why did she keep up the act? Why did she keep you there? Where is her slimy friend Grummgar? She wanted you focused on her so you wouldn’t pay attention to anything else. Now we have no idea what’s going on because you played right into her sharp-clawed little fists! _And_ she was gonna drug you with that whiskey. You do know that, right?”

“Why do you think I was refusing to drink it?” Ben grumbled, irritated more with himself than Kaydel. 

“This is what comes of not trusting your allies,” she said, pointing her finger between his eyes. “You’re very gallant, Ben Solo, but you need to learn to accept help.”

They were prevented from arguing further by an ominous metal wrenching sound. The whole ship shuddered, and the lights went out. Then backup lights came on, and the evacuation alarm started.

“Grandma!” Kaydel tore back toward the dining hall before Ben could stop her. 

The next forty-five minutes were some of the worst, most frightening in his entire life. Kaydel found her grandmother and Mon Mothma soon enough, but everyone in the dining hall—and every other room—was seized with panic. So many of the passengers were teenagers, and this was their first time away from home. They screamed and sobbed and did everything that they shouldn’t have done in an emergency. Poe’s voice sounded repeatedly over the intercoms, urging everyone to calmly make their way to the escape pods. He assured them that there was more than enough room for everyone, but to please hurry and not go back to their rooms for their belongings. He also, at the end of every call, repeated his request for “all reserve pilots” to report to the cockpit.

“He means you, doesn’t he?” said Kaydel under her breath.

“Yes, and I will go, as soon as I see you loaded into a pod.”

“I’ll take you now,” she said decisively.

“What? No!”

Kaydel turned to Larma. “I need to get Ben to Poe. I’ll meet you when we make planetfall.”

Larma hugged Kaydel fiercely and kissed her cheek. “Brave girl.”

“Why did you do that?” Ben hissed as they turned from the line and ran towards the bow of the ship. “That was foolish!”

“What did I _just_ tell you about trusting your allies? I’m a pilot, too. If Poe needs extra hands I should be there. And _think_ about this, Ben. Please. This whole thing is about you. Do you really think it’s intelligent to run around on a sinking ship all by yourself, when the very people who sunk it are trying to get to you? No!”

“I don’t think sinking the ship is a distraction. I think they’re sinking it to kill me.”

“No, they’re not. If they wanted you dead and didn’t mind being sloppy about it they’d just blow up the whole ship. Going to this much trouble shows an attempt at elegance. It shows research. They probably knew you’d be willing to sacrifice yourself.”

“You know, this is the second time you’ve shown an extremely high level of tactical knowledge, for a country girl from Warlentta,” he remarked casually. She scoffed at him over her shoulder as they rushed away from the crowd and down the passageway to the cockpit.

“Some country girls milk cows, and some join the police to fight organized crime.”

Well that explained a great deal, Ben reflected. 

They rounded a corner and found a line of sinister looking men and women, at the head of which stood Bazine Netal. All of them were armed with blasters. 

“I told you,” Kaydel growled. 

“Oh hey again—is it Bally?” said Ben. He gave Bazine his best Han Solo smile, knowing that it would infuriate her. She gritted her teeth. “Look, I’ll be honest, I don’t have time for this. Can you skip the terrible flirting and jump right to the attempted murder?”

“By all means.” Bazine smirked at him as she raised her blaster.

“Don’t panic,” Ben said under his breath to Kaydel. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she quipped. 

“Kill her and take him!” ordered Bazine. 

In moments of true peril, when the life of someone he cared about was in danger, the Force came to Ben with calm strength. He nudged Kaydel behind him. Bazine and her goons raised their blasters and fired. The heat and crackle of searing energy from the bolts flew towards them. Ben connected with the Force, and time slowed. He raised his hand. The bolts froze in midair, as did the morons firing them. 

“Get out of the line of fire,” he said to Kaydel. “I have questions for Bazine.”

Kaydel’s wide eyes took in all of the bolts frozen in midair. “Ben, let’s leave.”

He ignored her and advanced on Bazine. He looked down at her exquisitely painted face and sneered. Her signature in the Force was blindingly enraged, but she was frozen. He waited a moment, observing her fear, anger, and powerlessness as it flowed through the Force. And letting her feel that he was in total control.

“You shouldn’t have come here. Whatever you wanted, you were always going to fail. You’re lucky; another version of me would’ve torn apart your mind until you begged for death.”

Bazine’s Force signature flared, and she unwillingly revealed her true purpose to him. 

“I see. You wanted to meet _him. _You think you can become Emperor, and keep me on a leash. No.” He leaned forward. “Don’t make me kill you to prove my point. Goodbye, Bazine.”

Just as he stepped away to leave, Bazine’s Force signature flared again, but there was something else there. Something wrong, an unmistakable strain of evil like golden threads of ore in a mountainside. Though he hadn’t felt it in twenty-seven years, he recognized it instantly. He snapped back in front of her.

“What was that?” 

Bazine’s eyes grew wide and filled with tears.

“Ben, leave her—” Kaydel pleaded. 

Disregarding of Kaydel’s voice and his own better nature, he plunged into Bazine’s mind. He found a wretched childhood, and worse thereafter. He searched for the evil presence, but it fled, darting from corner to corner of Bazine’s mind. Bazine herself couldn’t hide anything from him—he passed heedless over her darkest secrets and the meager scraps of humanity she still clung to. Whatever the evil was, it was some power greater than herself, and the longer he stayed in her mind the more he knew he was reaching too deeply into the Dark Side. Tears streamed down Bazine’s face. Having one’s mind brutally invaded was not, after all, a pleasant experience. Finally she let out a pained whimper.

“Ben, stop! Please, stop, this isn’t you.”

Ben rocked back away from Bazine. Kaydel had darted over and wrenched on his arm. He was so startled he nearly lost control of the blaster bolts. He breathed as though he’d run a thousand miles, and stared at Bazine’s ruined makeup. 

He had no idea what had come over him, no memory of what he’d felt or seen that made him attack her that way.

Kaydel dragged him away by the elbow, and they resumed their flight to the cockpit. 

“I’m sorry, Kaydel. You’re right, that wasn’t me, I—I don’t know what happened.”

“I know. I could see it in your face. Something came over you, it was—I don’t want to talk about it, but I could see it wasn’t your fault.” 

They reached the cockpit. Ben, beginning to feel the strain of still keeping both people and blaster bolts frozen, motioned to Kaydel. She pounded on the reinforced durasteel door with her fist and called out to Poe. He wrenched the door open, swore in three languages, and yanked Ben inside. Kaydel slipped in after him. Poe wrapped him into a tight hug, and then quickly pushed him away.

“If I wasn’t so happy you’re alive I’d punch your big nose.” 

***

Silence. Darkness. Ben opened his eyes and blinked, confused. 

His head and side radiated with pain. He could feel wet blood on his forehead, dripping down his cheek. There was an acrid smell of smoke all around him, and the alarm on his escape shuttle was shrieking. Things began to come back to him. 

Poe, insisting that Ben get into a shuttle on his own. He and Kaydel trying to cover him. They’d almost reached Endor (the closest planet—the escape shuttles didn’t have enough fuel to make it to Bespin) when Grummgar showed up in a ship of his own. Ben had been separated from Kaydel and Poe. The last thing he remembered was desperately entering the atmosphere of the first planet he saw. 

He sat forward and tried to look around. He didn’t think he was severely injured, but the shuttle was definitely out of commission. He’d crash-landed somewhere in the middle of a dense forest. The viewport was lodged into soft, loamy earth, but there was light coming in from the back, and he could smell pine sap. Maybe he’d made it to Endor after all? Wouldn’t that be a treat—his parents had several stories about Endor and its inhabitants, each just a little more unbelievable than the last. He verified that the navigation was still working, and hoped the comms were, too.

“Mayday, mayday, SOS, I am a passenger of the vessel X-Wings of Love. We were sabotaged by mercenaries and Empire sympathizers Grummgar and Bazine Netal. Their current whereabouts are unknown. I have crash landed in—I’m somewhere in the Western Reaches. Can anyone hear me?”

“I can hear you, sir,” came a somewhat bored voice. “Crash-landed you say? Empire sympathizers? How exciting. What was the name of your vessel, again?”

Ben gnashed his teeth. 

“The X-Wi—it’s the kriffing enormous MateQuest cruise liner! Probably the biggest ship your backwater bilge pump of a planet has ever seen. Did the passengers make it? Did the Captain survive?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you, sir, having not heard of a kriffing enormous MateQuest cruise liner entering the atmosphere of my backwater bilge pump planet.”

Ben tried to rub the side of his face in frustration, but grimaced when he encountered blood and only made his splitting headache worse. “I don’t like the name either. But the ship is real, we really were sabotaged, and there really were a lot of people on it. Most of them were teenagers. I’m trying to find out if they survived, and I don’t even know what planet I’m on. So less sarcasm and more information. Please.”

There was a short pause, and then the man’s voice came back, sounding much less derisive. “I apologize sir. Our radar indicates that you have landed on Takodana. In addition, word has just reached us that survivors of the—ship have made planetfall in Endor. Early reports suggest there have been few casualties.”

Very few. Ben’s heart seized. “The Captain—Did Captain Dameron survive? And there was a second pilot assisting him, Kaydel Ko Konnix. Did they make it?”

“I’m sorry sir. Captain Dameron and Ms. Ko Konnix are reported lost.”

Ben numbly thanked the man for informing him, then half-listened to his instructions on how to get to the nearest village, and that he should hurry because a nasty storm was coming. He barely noticed the tears coursing down his face. Poe and Kaydel, both gone. Dead, trying to save his worthless hide. He couldn’t stand to think about it, so the only thing to do was to find the nearest place with interplanetary communication and call someone who could find Bazine. 

He exited the shuttle, wincing and holding his left side. Two of his ribs felt broken, or at least bruised. He’d worry about it later. At first he saw no sign of the storm, but the longer he walked, the more he saw quickly gathering, ominous clouds. He’d hoped at first that the blocking of the sun would lower the insanely hot temperature, but it didn’t. Instead the air only seemed more close and humid and oppressive. By the time he reached the promised village he was sweaty, aching, sunburnt, and desperately hungry and thirsty. By his rough estimate he hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since dinner on the X-Wings of Love, which was at least ten hours earlier. He’d been unconscious for a long time. 

He stumbled into a stone castle with a statue of a woman out front.

Immediately inside the front door was a cantina, only moderately full in the middle of the day. A tiny woman with enormous goggles over her eyes stood behind the bar. At the sight of Ben she touched a dial on the side and magnified her eyes even further.

“By the will of the Force, young man! What _happened_ to you?”

“Shipwrecked.” He sank onto the floor without a trace of dignity and blacked out again. 

The next thing he knew, something cool and damp was being brushed against his forehead, and two voices were speaking in low tones.

“He just collapsed on the floor?”

“He’s a Skywalker, they’re all dramatic; and Han Solo’s his father.”

“Really? That does explain a lot.”

Ben groaned to signal that he was conscious. He wasn’t surprised that they’d figured out who he was, one way or another. If he had to guess, he’d say his mother had found out about the shipwreck and was currently setting fire to everything that stood between her and rescuing him—or killing Bazine Netal, whichever priority she decided to tackle first. He just hoped she sent his father to do the dirty work this time. Too much exertion could make her sicker. 

“Welcome back, Professor Solo,” said the small woman. He grunted. It took him a few tries, but eventually he opened his eyes. 

“I’m Maz. I run this place. I’ve set you up with one of our nicest rooms,” she said cheerily. “I’m afraid you’ll be here a week—interplanetary travel is suspended in this quadrant pending an investigation into the sinking of The X—the uh, cruise ship. Let’s hope they really catch that Netal woman this time. She’s been making trouble for years. It’s starting to annoy me.”

She turned and walked up a staircase, motioning him to follow after. Ben peeled himself off the floor and trudged after her. The castle was clean and bright, though not fancy. The tile floors and stone walls were well insulated against the punishing heat outside. 

“Here we are,” she said, motioning him in. It was a small room, but nothing to sneer at. There was a bed against one wall and a small desk against the other, beneath a large window with long, tastefully patterned curtains. The bed looked far too short for him, but he wasn’t about to complain. “I’m sure you’ll want to wash up, so I’ve started the hot water for you. It should be ready now—the fresher’s just down the hall.”

“What?” said Ben, who never shared a fresher in his life and would prefer walking across the deserts of Tatooine to sharing one now. He looked around the room in the vain hope that he’d completely misunderstood and that the door to his private fresher was somehow cleverly concealed behind the gauzy window curtains. 

“The fresher! Just down the hall, I think you’ll find it very comfortable. Hot and cold water, four shower heads, plenty of towels. ”

“Are there any rooms with private freshers?” he asked, clinging to a last shred of hope. Maz snorted.

“Sorry, kiddo. We don’t get a lot of tourism in this area, certainly not enough to justify the expense of private freshers. But cheer up, you’re only sharing with six other people at the moment.”

Ben knew that this was a minor inconvenience, and that to complain about it would be the worst of bad manners. She’d taken him in and given him a room without even asking for payment. He should be grateful. That didn’t make him feel any better. He was exhausted, famished, and felt disgusting both physically and emotionally. Not being able to shower in private pushed him over the edge. 

In an effort not to offend Maz, who didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of his foul mood, he used an anger management technique that Luke had taught him. He concentrated all of his negative emotions into a manageable shape, and then released them into the stream of the Force. To his utter shock, Maz started laughing.

“Oh, Ben. Whew,” she said, leaning against the doorframe, “All that over a fresher?”

“What?” he said again. His intellect was failing him lately. First Poe, and then Maz were both Force sensitive, and he’d had no idea with either. “I didn’t—I didn’t know. Sorry. I meant no offense.”

“I didn’t take any.” She waved a hand as if to shoo away his embarrassment. “You’ve had a terrible day, and I really am sorry. Get cleaned up, and I’ll bring you some clothes. We’ll see about some food, too: dinner’s not for a few hours, and I could feel how hungry you are before you walked through the front door.”

The fresher was mercifully empty, and when he came back to his room he found clothes that were comfortable and fit him. There were tan linen pants, and a white shirt of the same material. They were lightweight and loose-fitting, and completely contrary to his usual preference for dark clothes. But they weren’t torn, sweat-soaked, or bloody, so he put them on anyway. 

“Thank you, Maz,” he said when he walked back out into the cantina. She grinned at him approvingly. 

“You must be feeling almost like yourself again.” 

“Almost. I just need to eat something.” His stomach growled awkwardly as if in agreement. 

“Fair enough. I’d offer you something now but we don’t have anything ready-made. You might try the market. I think there’s time to go down and get back before the storm hits.”

“I don’t have any money. I evacuated the ship without my luggage,” he said, but Maz waved him off.

“Don’t worry about that. I’m sure most people would be happy to sell to you on credit. But if you want meat you’ll probably have to ask one of the butchers to kill something for you—cooked dishes are more expensive. You can have them send the meat here, and I’ll have one of my cooks make it up for you. But whatever you do, don’t bother the mechanic.”

Ben had no idea what she was talking about. Why would he ask a mechanic to slaughter an animal? He was a bit squeamish about asking anyone to kill something for him, but he was hungry enough to consider it. He thanked Maz for her advice and promised to be back before the storm hit.

He hurried through the byways of the village, hoping to reach the market in time to buy food (and clothes, if possible). He was sure his mother could send him some money from his account once he got settled. For now, he’d have to rely on the market’s confidence in the name “Solo.” He frowned. What was his father’s reputation in this quadrant?

He was almost at the market when he saw a young woman leading a small herd of goats. The sight of her brought him up short for a second, because she wore her hair in the same three buns that Rey used to wear her hair in. He shook the feeling off and called out to her. 

“Hello, miss? I hope I’m not disturbing you, but are your goats for sale? I’m staying at Maz’s and she doesn’t have any meat, but she told me I could—”

His voice died when she turned. 

It was Rey. Not the Rey from their Force bond when she was a child, and not the sand-beaten, wraith-like Rey from his dream. She was tall, healthy, happy, beautiful, and whole. Freckles dotted her nose and sun-kissed cheeks. Her eyes were clear and bright, green with flecks of brown and gold. Ben had never seen anything more breathtaking, anyone more perfectly lovable.

She was so strong, his girl. She’d grown up and fended for herself and he could feel it in the Force, how strong and loving she was—even the goats loved her. And suddenly he Knew. She was the reason he’d never found his soulmate. She was the only woman for him, his perfect match. 

“Rey,” he said in wonder. He took a step forward. 

Her reaction was not so sentimental. 

“You!” she seethed. In a flash she’d taken a long staff from where it hung on her shoulder and advanced on him with its point directed beneath his chin. She looked like fury itself. “You come and find me _now,_ after all these years, and the first thing you do is try to kill one of my goats? Kriff off! I hate you!”

Ben stumbled back, confused and heartbroken. The words from his dream echoed in his mind. 

“Rey, I’m sorry. I tried to find you. I’m so glad to see you—”

She advanced on him, so enraged he doubted she even heard him. The Force swirled and clanged around them, bashing together like the storm clouds above their heads. 

“You _left!_ You left me. You thought I was just some kid, oh poor little Rey, I feel sorry for her. You _promised_ you’d be back, but you lied! You left! You left me and I knew—”

His heart leapt at the last word, hoping that he wasn’t wrong, that they were truly soulmates, that he could make this right, but she hesitated only long enough to draw a breath.

“I _knew_ you’d never come back! And now you’re here, just when I’m happy, and you want to kill my goats!”

“What’s wrong with killing a goat? They’re livestock!” he said as he continued to stumble back away from her. He tripped and fell backwards.

“They’re my _friends_, you spoiled selfish puffed up Core World princeling! So no, you can’t—kriffing—eat—them!”

Each of her last four words was punctuated by a vicious swing of her staff, which Ben narrowly avoided. 

“Rey!” he bellowed at last, when she nearly cracked his skull open. He called the staff to him with the Force and stood up. “That is _enough_. If you want to kill me, fine, but let me get a word in.”

He paused long enough to verify that she actually had stopped, and then flung the staff aside. He didn’t like the idea of holding a weapon over her.

“I tried desperately to find you. I tried, my uncle tried, my mother tried, we went to the Jedi Archives to try to find a way to trace the bond. My father went to Jakku ten times. Then we heard you’d left Jakku and were never coming back. I tried everything. I’ve been so worried.”

“I’m fine. As you can see,” she said sullenly. She looked at the ground, away from him. Through their bond he felt her anger bleed out of her, replaced with—a blank wall. He tried to reach her, but couldn’t feel anything. It left him feeling bereft. One of the goats came up to her and nuzzled her hand. She smiled at it affectionately, and stroked its ear.

“I’m sorry I insulted your friends,” he said softly, hoping for anything she might want to volunteer about her life now. He’d missed fifteen years. 

“You didn’t know. Anyway, we’d better get going. So long, Ben,” she said. She summoned the staff back to herself, turning her back on him as she slung it over her shoulder. She walked away, and the goats hopped and gamboled after her. 

Ben watched her go, his heart aching. 

“Well, son,” said a new voice. Ben whirled and saw a Takodanan man in his seventies leaning against the stone wall of his garden. The man regarded him with a knowing, amused expression. “So it’s to be Miss Rey, is it? You’ve got your work cut out for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi! You can find me on Pillowfort, Twitter, and Tumblr.


	4. The Perils of Pride

**21 ABY**  
**NEAR NIIMA OUTPOST, JAKKU**

The wind howled outside, sand pounding against the walls and creeping into the cracks under the door. Six-year-old Rey curled her body up like a fist in her hammock and shut her eyes tight against her fear. It didn’t help. She wished Ben was there. He would know what to say, what to do. When she was really scared, or if she just really needed it, sometimes he would hug her and not let go. She fell asleep while the storm raged outside, comforting herself with daydreams of safety and Ben.

She woke up about an hour later to find Ben in her AT-AT. He sat across from her hammock on a chair, reading. He wasn’t _really_ there of course: he was on Chandrila. But she could see him—he must’ve known she needed him. He was so smart and strong and brave. He was so grown-up, too. Not like the older boys in Niima who were rough and mean, but what a boy should be like. She knew he didn’t think much of the way he looked—he never said so, but she could feel that he didn’t like his face or his ears. Rey couldn’t understand why; she thought he was the handsomest boy she ever saw.

“Ben!” she shrieked, launching herself at him. She flung her arms around his neck, displacing his book (he read _books_, no one in Niima had ever even _seen_ a book, her Ben was so smart), and clung to him. She’d been trying so hard to be brave, but now that he was here, with his soft sweater and his bright, surprised laugh, she immediately started to cry out of sheer relief.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked in his deep, soothing voice. She only cried harder and buried her face in his chest. “That’s okay, you can wipe your nose on me. I don’t even like this sweater.”

She laughed; he always knew what to say to make her feel better. When he tipped her chin up, she let him wipe away her tears. “What happened?”

“The storm is scary,” she said, small-voiced and ashamed. Ben would never be afraid of something silly like a storm. He frowned, and looked around, then frowned again.

“It’s storming, where you are? I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I can never see anything around you.” He smiled at her, and tapped her nose gently. “Just you.”

Rey felt like the most important girl in the world.

**34 ABY**  
**UNKAR PLUTT’S CONCESSION STAND, JAKKU**

Rey was nineteen when she traded scavenge in Niima Outpost for the last time.

“I’m surprised you haven’t taken Teedo’s offer,” Plutt observed, not looking up from the pile of navigation screens and power converters she’s laid on his counter. “Girl like you doesn’t have many options. Take my advice: don’t be coy. You keep waiting and no one will want you.”

Rey didn’t reply. Plutt had known her since she was very young, and it amused him to smash at the most vulnerable parts of her heart with his enormous, sweaty fists. The best reaction was no reaction. The worst part of it, of course, was that he was right. It’d been fifteen years since she’d seen her father and mother, nine years since she’d seen Ben. Did Ben even really exist, or was he just an imaginary friend she’d convinced herself was real? She’d been so sure, but then, she’d been sure her family was coming back, too. She’d varnished over the brutal truth of her life with layer after layer of brittle optimism. Brittle things didn’t last in the desert—the sands blasted them away. Rey was beginning to sense the truth: her parents sold her to Plutt, and were probably dead. She thought she’d Known with Ben, but she was either mistaken or he’d rejected her and chosen some Core World girl instead. She was nineteen, almost twenty. If her soulmate wasn’t Ben and was someone on Jakku, she’d have met him by now. He could be dead (quite possible in Jakku), or in another corner of the galaxy she’d never travel to, or—worst, and yet according to the rhythms of her life what felt likeliest—her soulmate really was Ben, and he really had rejected her.

Plutt, for all that he was a disgusting, abusive, hard-hearted cheat, was probably sincere in his surprise. Teedo could provide her relative stability. Other girls in Niima, she thought sadly, would envy her if she accepted him. Not that she had any intention of doing so. Instead, she would get her portions, pack up her few meagre possessions, scratch her last gash into the wall of her house, and leave Jakku—and her dreams of love and family—behind forever.

“Thanks for the advice, Plutt,” she said. She kept her voice pleasant so that he wouldn’t suspect. “I appreciate it.”

**40 ABY**  
**ROSE TICO & FINN STORM RESIDENCE, TAKODANA**

After seeing Ben for the first time in fifteen years, Rey fled to her friends Rose and Finn. Rose had taken one look at her and poured her a very large drink. Rey had refused it at first—Maz’s famous cherry fruit fizz was notoriously strong, and Rey didn’t often drink alcohol. But Finn and Rose convinced her that this was a special occasion. Rey sat down at their kitchen table (which Rey had built for them) and became rapidly drunk.

“And then! And then he was just—just—right kriffing there! In front of me! Asking if he could _eat_ one of my goats! He even pointed at Princess. Princess! Do you know what I’d _do_ to him if he tried to hurt her?” Rey howled. This was not the first time she’d said these sentences in the last hour. Or even the last ten minutes.

“Bastard,” said Finn. It took her a moment to realize that while he was trying to sound sincere, he didn’t actually mean it. Well, fine. So what if goats were frequently slaughtered for their meat. So what if Ben apologized when he saw his mistake. That wasn’t the issue at hand.

“He’s still so handsome.” Her voice caught, miserable and wet, on the last word. It was the one thing that had been trapped in her heart for so long, shoved aside, beaten down, and ignored for years. She still loved him. He left her, he abandoned her, and she still loved him. She was weak, and foolish, and she should’ve known better. She laid her head down on the table and shook with the sheer force of trying not to sob.

“Oh-kay, let it out, it’ll be all right.” Rose scooted her chair next to Rey’s and patted her back while she bent over their kitchen table and cried silent tears onto her folded arms. Rey also heard her move the glass of cherry fruit fizz away and replace it with water. It was probably for the best; she felt as though she was crying out every drop of water in her body.

“Do you know what the worst thing is? The weirdest thing?” she asked, when she could finally raise her head.

“No, I don’t,” said Finn.

“I had this like—daydream, I think?—about him. When we were fighting. But it wasn’t like—it wasn’t like a _normal_ daydream. When you daydream, it’s cause you choose to, right? Like you think about something nice on purpose?” Rey looked at her two confused friends and tried to fight through the fog of alcohol in her brain to say something that would make sense. “I know I’m drunk, work with me. When you daydream, it’s because you choose to?”

“Yes,” said Finn. He looked at Rose, who nodded. “I agree with that.”

“Right! But this wasn’t like that. It happened without me wanting it to. Just all of a sudden, I saw Ben and I. Out of nowhere. Poof!” She gesticulated helpfully.

“What did you see?” asked Rose.

Rey realized belatedly that she didn’t want to say.

She’d seen the two of them in bed together. He was half-propped against the headboard, and she sat on his lap. They were talking and laughing, and she was kissing all the places on his face she liked best. Which is to say she was covering his face in butterfly kisses, while he grinned and blushed. His fingertips played touch and go on her thighs and hips. She loved him, in this daydream, and he loved her. It wasn’t strange to her in the dream to be in bed with him. Instead it felt like comfort and home. In a moment she knew their kissing would turn more passionate, and in the dream the thought of sex with him was joyful and thrilling.

It hadn’t made _sense_. She didn’t want to have sex with him! She wanted to throttle him, or maybe drop kick him all the way back to Chandrila. But even more frightening, she knew it wasn’t really a daydream. It was felt more real, more true than that.

“Um. We were kind of…”

“Stop! Stop _right_ there, I do not want to hear your sex dreams about your half-imaginary Force bondmate that you haven’t seen since you were ten,” said Finn. He put a hand up.

“We weren’t!” Rey yelped, at the same time Rose rolled her eyes and told Finn to “grow up.”

“You said that you met Ben through the Force, when you were young,” said Rose. “Was he really here this time? Are you sure?”

Rey nodded. “Yes. I’m sure. Before, I could see him clearly and he could see me, and we could even touch. I mean, we could hug or hold hands. He even gave me food. But it was obvious he wasn’t really there. It’s hard—I can’t describe it. I just know.”

“Is it possible that what you saw was a vision?” Rose asked cautiously. Rey had thought of that, but didn’t like the implications. She shrugged.

“Maybe. Maybe not. The real question is: now that he’s here, what do I do? Do I tell him?”

“About the dream?” asked Finn, brows scrunched in confusion. “…No?”

“Not that,” said Rey heavily. She hadn’t told anyone this, and was reluctant to say it now, but it had to be said. “Not the dream. Something else. Ben’s my soulmate.”

***

Rey woke up the next morning in Rose and Finn’s spare bedroom with an almighty hangover. She’d done her best to explain to them that no, she wasn’t just saying Ben was her soulmate because she was drunk, that yes, she’d Known for a long time and no, she hadn’t kept it a secret because she didn’t trust them.

She hadn’t said anything because she’d assumed there wasn’t anything to say. She’d grappled with the reliability of her memories for a long time, but she’d eventually decided to trust herself. Ben was real, she had truly Known, and he just hadn’t come to her. The logical conclusion was that he didn’t want her. He came from a wealthy family, and she’d never bothered to hide her trail. If he’d wanted to find her, he could have. Or so she thought: Ben’s desperate attempts at explanation the day before rewrote her assumptions. She knew he wasn’t lying because she could feel his emotions in the Force. She could also feel him trying to reach out to her, to soothe and comfort her the way he used to when she was a child.

She still wanted him. It was even worse now that she’d seen him as an adult. For one thing, their bond flared back to life the second she laid eyes on him. Just being able to feel him, close by, was indescribably comforting. And that _vision._ When she was a child she’d loved him the way a child loved. But now she loved him in a whole new way. This was hardly surprising, since he was her soulmate, but Rey was surprised anyway. She’d spent the last fifteen years feeling abandoned by him, tossed aside as though she were a toy that no longer interested him. She knew that wasn’t true now, but it didn’t make the history of her life any different. She’d still had to face life without him. She’d still had to learn to stand on her own. She’d adopted her goats because, she’d reasoned, she knew what she was getting into with them. They were animals, not people, and they’d offer her all the love and companionship and loyalty that animals could. No more, no less. She’d outlive them all, and none of them would put her above their natural instincts. She accepted that, in exchange for knowing that they wouldn’t suddenly grow tired of her personality. Or make promises they had no ability or intention of keeping.

Rey sighed, and rubbed her aching head. She felt frustrated by her situation, not for the first time. She was not the only person who had to live without their soulmate. In some parts of the galaxy it was rare, but on Jakku it had been somewhat common: death or some other brutal circumstance kept people apart, sometimes forever. Everyone knew that she wasn’t with her soulmate—or at least everyone in the village—and most of them treated it with a sad but grim determination. “Don’t let it stop you living, my girl,” one of the villagers had said, shortly after she arrived on Takodana. “Don’t let it rob you.”

For the most part, she hadn’t. At least, not after she left Jakku. She’d become friendly with almost everyone in the village, and had become especially close with Finn and Rose. At first she was drawn to them because they too were without their soulmates. She was fascinated by their decision to be in a relationship even outside of a soul bond. But eventually they grew truly close. They were good to her, and she loved them with her whole heart. She’d adopted her goats, and set up a successful mechanic business. She hadn’t lied to Ben the day before. She really was—mostly—happy. Not the “happy” she’d been in Jakku, lying to herself that her dead parents were going to reappear, and that Ben was going to sweep her off her feet to some fairytale romance, but the real happy. The messy, uncertain, doing-the-best-she-could happy.

Some of the young men in the village had asked her out on dates. While Finn and Rose made it look easy, romances outside of soul bonds were a delicate thing. In some places it was considered insulting or even taboo, because how could any relationship compare to the one that was destined for you? The attitude on Takodana was a little different, which was one of the reasons Rey had settled there. Young people were encouraged to try dating even before they Knew, the logic being that experience and growth was never a bad thing. To Rey’s astonishment, most people stayed friends with those they dated, even if the relationship ended abruptly with one or the other person meeting their soulmate. And even long term non-soul romances did work sometimes, especially if both partners were permanently separated from their soulmate. While she was always flattered, and once or twice had even been tempted, Rey had always said no. Finn disagreed with her; he told her she should try a date or two, just to keep her options open. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She knew, in her heart of hearts, that either the man’s soulmate would come along, or that he would eventually want her to love him more than she loved Ben. She couldn’t stand either possibility. The idea of being cast aside again was more painful than she could imagine; she’d rather be alone for the rest of her life. And even if it did otherwise work out, she could never truly love another man. Even when she hated him, no one could ever compare to Ben.

Rey’s datapad beeped with an incoming message. Rey groaned when she saw it was from Maz. She loved Maz, she really did, but leaving well enough alone was not one of Maz’s strong suits. Maz was extremely Force-sensitive, even if she wasn’t a practicing Jedi. There was no way she could’ve missed the way the Force had swirled and clanged around her and Ben the day before. Given that the nosy old hen ran the only inn for miles, it wasn’t a mystery where Ben was, and what Maz’s goals were.

“REY,” the message read, “NEED URGENT HELP, THE KRIFFING WATER TANKS ARE LEAKING. AGAIN. BREAKFAST INCLUDED IN PAYMENT.”

“They’re probably leaking because you took a hammer to them to lure me out there,” Rey grumbled under her breath. Still. Free breakfast wasn’t nothing, especially since Maz was an amazing cook. Rey had become very familiar with Maz’s cooking over the last six years. They had an intricate arrangement based on the bartering of goat’s milk, free food, and services rendered. Rey strongly suspected that Maz had just been looking out for her all these years, but neither was indelicate enough to say so out loud. 

“It’s fine,” Rey said to herself as she slipped out of Finn and Rey’s house. “It’s fine,” she said again as she went home to try to wash off her hangover and change clothes. “It’s fine,” she said to her goats as she gave them their breakfast. One of the goats, Scoundrel, nudged her hand, and she patted his head. “Really, Scoundrel, it’s fine. I’ll fix whatever’s wrong with the water tanks, eat my breakfast, and go. Ben will leave, and then everything will go back to normal.”

Behind her, another goat, Lando, _baaaaaah’d_ in extreme derision.

All the way to Maz’s, she debated. Maybe she’d tell him the truth about the Knowing, but say that it was too late. Maybe she’d wait and see if he Knew, if he’d figured it out. If he didn’t, she’d just let him leave. Maybe—no. She couldn’t just fall into his arms after all this time, and she couldn’t see a way for this to move forward in any way that wouldn’t _feel_ like she was just falling into his arms. It just—she couldn’t see it. She’d have to tell him no. It had taken a long time for her to gain independence and self reliance, and she wasn’t going to give it up the second he swooped back into her life.

“Morning,” Maz said, tone dubious, when Rey walked in. She zoomed in on Rey’s face with her goggles. “Ah. Had a shock yesterday, and tried to drink it off? Never mind; happens to the best of us. Go on into the dining room and I’ll bring you something for your head. And stomach.”

“Maz, I really don’t want to run into—any of your guests. I’m just gonna check the water tanks and eat in the kitchen.”

“Ben won’t be awake for a few hours. The time difference has got the better of him, and he really has had a rough go of it, between the Empire sympathizers and his pilot friend dying. Go on into the dining room, you won’t see him.”

“Rough—go?” Rey asked, breathless and confused, but Maz had already shuffled off in the direction of the kitchen. Rey felt the bottom drop out of her already roiling stomach. She’d been so self-righteously angry and indignant the day before, she hadn’t even asked how he’d ended up on Takodana. There she was, just blindly assuming he’d come to try to win her over at long last. But that wasn’t it at all—his being here had nothing to do with her. How could she be so stupid?

Rey knew better than to argue with Maz, so she turned left from the cantina and went into the dining room. There were a few locals already munching on some of Maz’s delicacies. On another day she might have asked to join one of the tables, but since Maz had known she had a hangover the second she walked through the door, and since her mood since had fluctuated from bad to worse, she seated herself at a small table near the side door to the verandah. The better, incidentally, to bolt if Ben should walk in. On every table there was a small bouquet of Velanie flowers, a plate of fruit, and a small thermos of caf. Rey helped herself to the jogan and durang fruit, and drank two cups of caf, the first one fast and the second one slow. By the time Maz emerged from the kitchen bearing a tray of food, she was beginning to feel a little better physically, if not emotionally.

“He was on a MateQuest cruise,” said Maz, as she sat several plates in front of her. Rey opened her mouth to respond, but Maz interrupted. “Eat your breakfast. I’ll tell you everything. And before you ask: yes, I told him there was no food here and sent him out to meet you.”

Some time later, after Maz had drifted back toward the front desk, Rey finished the last of her breakfast, deep in thought. A MateQuest cruise. He hadn’t Known, then. Or in any case, he hadn’t Known the last time they saw each other. The Knowing may finally have got through his thick skull the day before, when they first saw each other again, but he certainly hadn’t Known when he left on the cruise. She smiled ruefully at the thought of private, stuffy Ben having anything to do with MateQuest. How miserable it must’ve been for him.

But then, she didn’t really know that, did she? She didn’t know much at all about what Ben was like now. She hadn’t seen him since he was twenty, and she’d only been ten years old. How good a judge of character could she have been? Even what she did reliably know about him could have changed over the past fifteen years. He might have been happy to be on the cruise, excited by the thought of meeting his mate at last. In all of her resentment she’d imagined that he’d cast her aside for someone more suitable, someone better bred—someone, frankly, who wasn’t a sand rat from Jakku. She never imagined that he’d be as lonely as she was, or willing to risk ridicule if it meant finally being united with his soulmate. And then he was be beset upon by pirates, shipwrecked, and lost a childhood friend. And _then_ he was dropped unceremoniously at her feet, and she immediately tried to crack his skull with her staff.

What a mess. 

Rey ate the last bite of her goats cheese toast and polished off her third cup of caf. Now that she’d been fed, watered, caffeinated, and had her curiosity (somewhat) sated, her hangover was receding. It was time to get to work. She walked outside and set to work on Maz’s old and admittedly decrepit water system. She’d fixed and re-fixed it so many times that the system was long past its usual lifespan. If Rey told Maz it was a lost cause and that she should replace it with something new, she would. But Rey never liked to give up on things, so the old system stayed. She shut off and tested first the cold water, then the hot: because of the climate, Maz used a dual-tank system that kept cold water chilled during the day and hot water warm at night. When she shut off the cold water she thought she heard a shout, but dismissed it. Maz had told her she’d put a sign up on the fresher door, so nobody would be in there. She quickly found the issue—it was just a couple of screws that needed tightening. Rey wondered if Maz really had sabotaged the thing to get her to come over, but she couldn’t prove it, and she’d been given a free breakfast. She decided not to ask too many questions. Once the screws were tightened, all she had to do was turn off the hot water and make sure the readouts showed what they were supposed to. She flicked the hot water tank off. A few seconds later, she heard another sound, and there was no mistaking it this time. It was a shout of pain and surprise, followed by an almighty crash. Without thinking, she dashed inside and down the hallway into the freshers. Sure, no one wanted to be walked in on when they were naked, but if that crash was any indication they could be hurt.

“Is somebody in there? I’m fixing the water, you ca—” Ben. Almost entirely naked Ben. Standing right in front of her. He hastily finished tying a towel around his waist and looked up at her with a self-conscious expression.

Not that she could bring herself to look at his face for very long. Or to look at him at all. She got barely a glimpse of smooth damp skin that stretched on forever before she had to turn her face away, cheeks blazing. Belatedly, she realized that she’d actually dropped the wrench she’d had in her hand when she ran into the room. Great.

“Do you have something—another towel, or something?” she asked, out loud, before she could stop herself. Another towel? What would he do, drape it over his chest like a blanket? And even if he did, he’d do it knowing that she was affected and embarrassed by the sight of his (perfect, beautiful) chest. She chanced the briefest glance at him, to see him look down at himself, face contorted with confusion and alarm. She realized that he thought the towel might not be covering his penis, and then refused to even acknowledge that she knew he had a penis. That was a thought for another day. Or never. He shifted from foot to foot, but mercifully didn’t respond to her idiotic request that he wear a second towel.

“You weren’t supposed to be in here. Maz’s water is on the fritz, and I’ve been tinkering with it to get it back online. You—” she broke off again, and was embarrassed at the level of concern in her voice. “You could’ve really got burnt.”

“The cold hurt my rib more than the hot hurt my back,” he said with a grimace.

“Your rib?” she asked. He pursed his lips—a habit, she realized with a stab of uncontrollable affection—that he’d had since he was a teenager. He always did it when he was uncomfortable, whether from embarrassment or anxiety. He pointed to his side, where Rey saw a large, mottled bruise that she’d somehow missed earlier when she was trying not to drool over his collarbones. She came forward until she was within touching distance of him. His eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything or move away. “What happened?”

“Percussive blow, I think. When my shuttle went down.”

She felt her heart stutter at his tone. It was matter-of-fact, as if it wasn’t anything to worry about that he’d first had to abandon ship and then was attacked as he tried to escape. Of course the very fact that he was trying not to worry her worried her all the more. And it made her a little ashamed, that he would still be protective of her feelings after the way she’d treated him. She gestured toward his wound.

“May I heal it?” she asked. “I’m pretty sure I can.”

He looked into her eyes for a long moment. “I know you can. But do you want to?”

His surprise shamed her even more, and she remembered trying to hit him only the day before. She concentrated her power on his rib, feeling gently in the Force to make sure she encompassed the whole injury. There was extensive bruising, and one—no, two spidery hairline fractures along his fourth rib. No wonder he was in such pain. She looked up at him to make sure she hadn’t hurt him in the process, but he only gave a hint of a reassuring smile.

“_There is no emotion, there is peace_,” she recited. “_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion_—”

The fresher, Ben, the injury, everything faded away. In the fraction of a second before she fell into new surroundings, Rey was almost annoyed that the Force would send her another vision. She didn’t have time for it right now; healing was delicate work. But then even that was gone, and she was in bed with Ben again.

“Let me—hey,” Ben laughed, reaching for her as she wriggled out of his grasp. He gave an adorable pout. Rey sat up straight, threw her shoulders back, and put her chin up imperiously. The effect of stern authority was a little bit ruined by the fact that she was naked, and that she couldn’t stop grinning. Ben, also grinning, ran his palm gently up and down her thigh, as if he was physically unable to stop touching her. The warmth of his hand, combined with the softness of his expression, painted a picture of humor and affection and desire in every line of his body. She shivered in anticipation.

“No,” she said, as forcefully as she could—which was not very forceful—and removed his hand from her skin. He made a small sound of protest, then hummed when she brought his hand to her lips and kissed each of his knuckles and then his fingertips. She knew a little something of addiction, too. His hands were a minor obsession of hers, so masculine and strong but so gentle when he touched her. She loved the contrast between her own small, work-hardened hands and his. “Every time we do this, you _touch_ me.” Unlike last time, in this vision, “this” was still new to them. Rey knew, without knowing how she knew, that they’d kissed, of course, but this was the first time they’d found themselves naked together. “Well, yes. I love touching you. I dream about touching you. If you’ll come here, I’ll touch you again,” said Ben. He smiled and made grabby hands at her. She shook her head. “Ah, but every time you touch me, with these big wonderful hands—” she brought one of his hands to her face and nuzzled her cheek into his palm like a cat, making him laugh, “you _distract_ me. So this time, you’re not going to touch me. You’re just going to relax and let me kiss you wherever I want. After all, we have a lot of lost time to make up for. I have exploring to do.”

“Fine, fine. If I get to do the same to you later.”

Rey pretended to consider this extremely tantalizing offer for a second. “Deal.”Ben leaned back and relaxed, his gaze still fixed on her, heavy and erotic.

She gave herself a moment to stare at his naked body and consider: where to start? There were so many possibilities. Finally she decided to start at the top and work her way down. Despite trusting him implicitly she was still a little nervous, and she knew that kissing him would calm her down. She settled her body alongside his with her head on his shoulder and her stomach along his side; she’d found that she liked to have as much skin to skin contact as possible.

He put an arm around her back to cradle her to his side, then promptly moved it away. “Sorry, force of habit.”

“It’s okay. You can leave your hand on my back, if you want. Just lightly, though,” she whispered into his chest. He brought his arm down and cradled her to him, fingertips tracing patterns on her spine. This was a little distracting, but not as much as usual, so she didn’t mind. It anchored her to the moment, letting her know that he was there with her, enjoying this as much as she was.

Rey started her exploration. She kissed Ben’s lips, then along his jaw. She nibbled on the shell of his ear, laid her head on his shoulder and traced his collarbones, then let her hand drift along his chest and stomach—whatever she felt like doing, touching and kissing him anywhere it occurred to her to try. She wasn’t consciously trying to turn him on, though she could see and feel that he was very aroused. She avoided touching or kissing his erection, but not because she didn’t want to. She just knew she that when she did, she wouldn’t be able to maintain the languid, sweet pace she’d set herself.

She’d read plenty of racy novels over the years, but when she asked Rose for advice, all she’d had said was to go slow and try things to see what she liked. So that’s what Rey did. And there were so many things to like. She hadn’t expected just how much she’d love the warmth and softness of Ben’s skin against her hands and lips. Kissing him, even just brushing her lips against him, was intoxicating. She loved finding the places she could touch that would make his breath hitch, or make him writhe or moan a bit without even realizing it. His hand on her back convulsively clutched at her when she began sucking on his neck. She opened her eyes only long enough to see that his other hand held the sheet in a white-knuckled grip to keep from reaching for her.

“Hold me with both arms, now, Ben,” she said, in a needy voice she hardly recognized. He brought his other hand to her hair and turned her face up to give her a desperate, filthy kiss. She drew his leg between hers and rocked against his thigh, gasping at the burst of pleasure. She finally let her hand fall down and wrap around his cock, swallowing his moan with greedy lips. Even now there were discoveries to be made. His skin was warmer here, and she could feel their pleasure ricocheting off of each other in the bond. “Show me what you like—” “—_There is serenity_.” The vision ended as abruptly as it began. Rey found herself back in the fresher, standing in front of an injured (mostly naked) Ben. She was confused, embarrassed, aroused, and terrified that he might’ve seen the same vision she did. She looked up at his face, but his expression hadn’t changed. He looked uncomfortable, but that was to be expected. His rib was broken in two places and he and was standing in front of her wearing only a towel.

Well. _That_ was something. She’d puzzle out the implications later.

“How does your rib feel?” she asked. Had she just been standing there, slack-jawed like a moron, during a Force vision of kissing every inch of his body?

“It’s working,” he said. “Are you all right? You look—“

She glanced at him sharply, but he looked concerned, not amused.

“You look uncomfortable. You’re not taking the pain yourself, are you?”

“No,” she reassured him.

She lapsed into silence as she finished healing him, concentrating on finding every crevice of the hairline fractures without poking his injuries, and of healing the internal bleeding without running roughshod over his pain. She was used to healing herself, and when she did she had a habit of being impatient with herself for being injured in the first place, and doing a casual, rough job because she didn’t mind the pain. She didn’t want to do that to Ben. It was difficult, because she had to also concentrate on feeling him in the Force at the same time. Keeping the connection open and _not_ thinking about her vision was hard enough. It was completely impossible not to feel his emotions as well as his physical state. His grief for his friend was sharp, and his feelings of guilt acute. He tried to hide his feelings for her, both of out self-preservation and respectfulness. But he was terrible at shielding, endearingly so.

It was strange to know with absolute certainty that someone loved her. Adored her, even. That he would protect her, believe in her, love her from near or afar—whatever she wanted, and expect nothing in return. She would never have believed that that kind of love existed for her, and yet here it was. And she couldn’t hide from the truth of it either, because it was coming to her straight from his own soul.

She stepped back and let her arm fall. Where a large, dark bruise had stretched across his stomach and side, there was now only smooth pink skin.

“Try moving, and taking a deep breath,” she said. He twisted from side to side, inhaled, and exhaled. 

“Good as new. Thank you, Rey.”

“Well then, um. Good. I’ll just—” she turned to leave, and bent to pick up the wrench she’d dropped at the sight of Ben’s ruinously tempting collarbones.

“Are you going to the festival?” he called to her retreating back, with a tone near desperation.

“The festival?”

“Yes, Maz said there’s a Caretaker community here, and the Lanai returning, and there’s a festival to celebrate?”

“Oh, that!” said Rey. She nodded. “The Lanai come back once a month, so it’s more a party than a festival, but yes. Everyone gets together for that. It’s kind of nice, seeing them reunited.”

“I thought I might go, too,” he said shyly. Rey thought she knew which direction their conversation was going, and was flattered he wanted to see her, but couldn’t help laughing anyway.

“You won’t be able to help it. The party will be here, didn’t Maz tell you?” Ben shook his head. “Well, I hope you like fish. And dancing, and loud music. I’m sure you’ll like the last part of the evening. The Caretakers and Lanai usually tell stories. They’re good, if you can stay awake to hear them.”

“Yeah, I like all those things,” said Ben. He nodded, clearly trying to convince her. Rey laughed again.

“Ben, if you’re anything like I remember, you like stories, but none of those other things. I remember you telling me the smell of fish made you vomit.”

“I—I could try though. I’d like to see you, get to know you for who you are now. I’d like it if we could talk. If you want.”

Rey debated. On the one hand, she did want to talk to him. There was so much she didn’t know, so many questions she had. On the other, talking to him would be dangerous. She could already feel herself falling more and more in love with him the longer they were around each other, and she didn’t know if she could really be with him. If she was serious about protecting her heart, the best course of action would be to stay away. But when she looked into his eyes, she found that she just couldn’t.

“Sure. I’ll be at the party, and we can probably talk then. It gets rowdy, but we can take a walk. You can meet my friends Finn and Rose, too. You’ll like them.”

“Are Finn and Rose goats?” he asked, a small smile showing the first hints of his old humor she’d seen in him.

“No, of course not. They’re people. The goats will be at home, in an _attempt_ to keep them out of trouble.”

“Can I walk you to the party from your house, to meet your goats? Since they won’t be attending the party; I’d like to meet all your friends, if I can.”

“Yeah. I—yeah.”

“Should I bring anything?” he asked.

“For the goats?” she said, incredulous.

“No, I mean, for the party. Do people bring things? Is there something special I should wear? I don’t want to be disrespectful. As for the goats, I assume they like hay? I saw someone selling it at the market. I could bring some, if you think it’d make them like me better.”

“I don’t think you’re disrespectful,” Rey said quietly. “And you don’t have to wear anything special, or bring anything. This is your first party, so everyone will be curious about you and will want to make friends. Just be ready to answer a lot of questions. I’ll give you hay to give the goats; you don’t have to buy any. Maz knows where I live, so she can give you directions. I should get out of your way so you can get let you get dressed. You can come by any time after lunch.”

Rey smiled, waved, and practically ran from the room before he could say something that would endear him to her even more or look at her for another minute with that soft, loving expression that made her want to tackle him to the ground and reenact her visions. She walked back outside to verify that the water tanks didn’t need any more work (they didn’t) and then went home to make sure everything looked presentable. Not that Ben would be in the house for long. Or at all. She might lead him to the goat pen, introduce him to the goats, and then march him down to the party. She might not let him come in at all. That said, her little cottage was in need of cleaning, including her bedroom. It wasn’t about him, she reasoned, it just needed to be done.


	5. The Perils of Pride, Part II

Thinking straight was far too much to ask of Ben. How could he? All he’d wanted to do that morning was get into the shower—the _communal_ shower—before everyone else so that he at least didn’t have to be naked in front of strangers. He hadn’t seen the “out of order” notice on the door, and as a result of Rey’s tinkering with the water supply he was first frozen and then scalded, and then barely had time to wrap a towel around his waist before Rey burst into the room.

Everything about their ensuing conversation swirled endlessly in his mind. She’d asked him to put on a second towel. What did that mean; was he repulsive to her? At first he’d been horrified, thinking the towel didn’t fully cover everything. But it wasn’t that—she’d been staring at his chest. He knew what he wanted that to mean, but it would be foolhardy to make assumptions.

Still, it didn’t seem entirely out of the question. He was pretty sure she’d had a vision while she was healing him. She’d had a strange, faraway look on her face for a moment, and through the bond he could feel that her emotions were all over the place. She’d brutally hidden everything she could, but a few things leaked around the edges. He’d caught confusion, hope, and love. And intense sexual desire, directed at him. Which was shocking, and made him feel a little less like the galaxy’s biggest lovestruck fool.

He’d had a brief vision, too. He’d seen flashes of Rey’s childhood, and even some of their earlier interactions, but from her perspective. They way he’d loomed like a hero in her young eyes was flattering, but also heartbreaking. He hated that she’d been so desperate for love and affection that a moody teenager with bad skin and worse fashion was the only person she had to rely on. He wished he’d _found_ her.

His breakfast sat forgotten in front of him as he read his messages on a borrowed datapad, which was the only thing that could hold his attention. He’d wanted to check in with his mother and see what the status of the investigation was (and her health), and he’d done that. She had assured him that Bazine and Grummgar would be found soon, and that she was feeling fine, so he’d moved onto more interesting things. He’d received a message from Jocasta Nu, and opened it with excitement.

> My Dear Professor Solo,
> 
> Good morning! I have attached a great many datafiles and resources to cover your questions; I hope they won’t be overwhelming. Regarding cultures, customs, and languages of Takodana I think you’ll find the Western Reaches Arts & Culture Database most helpful. Takodana’s status as a last outpost of sorts for travelers and tradesfolk coming in and out of the Outer Rim means it’s quite a multi-cultural hub—my research shows that what it lacks in homogenous culture it more than makes up in excitement.
> 
> With such a variety of peoples in one place I think Basic would serve you better than any other language, but the database has several articles dealing with Maz, her castle, and the surrounding village(s) so I’m sure you can find some of what you’re looking for. Maz does seem to be quite a character, doesn’t she?
> 
> I’ve sent three datafiles regarding the care and management of goats. Based on your description they seem to be terran goats, which is lucky. Their physiology and psychology aren’t too challenging for human interaction. In fact, they’re said to be quite intelligent and good companion animals, though a bit ornery. I’ve also attached a video from a farmer showing some of his goats’ more humorous antics. If you enjoy it, I’d encourage you to search for more: the holonet seems to be full of them. 
> 
> So there is a Lanai community on Takodana? How fascinating! The last I heard, the only Lanai in the whole galaxy lived on Ahch-To. (I’ve sent a datafile on Ahch-To, not that you need it, but I know you like to be thorough.) At first I was puzzled as to what might have brought them to Takodana—they’re said to be drawn only to sites of great power on the Light Side of the Force. But after a bit of digging I remembered that your Maz’s castle is built on the site of a very ancient, very intense Jedi battle. There must still be energy there from that battle, even all this time later. Do you think the Caretakers would allow outsiders to interview them? I haven’t said anything to anyone, of course, but I can think of a dozen universities that would be extremely interested in speaking with them. Especially since the information we do have on them is so scarce. I’ve sent you everything, which I’m ashamed to say should only take you about half an hour to read. 
> 
> Regarding Force bonds, I’m afraid I don’t have anything new to report, though of course I looked again. The real problem seems to be that everyone who experiences a Force bond experiences it differently. I’ve been through countless examples, and every one is just _slightly_ different. Even in your own family there are differing accounts: your mother and uncle are able to sense when one another are in danger, for example, but are not able to see and directly communicate with each other the way you and your bondmate were. It’s not a question of how powerful someone is in the Force, or even if someone is Force sensitive. You’ll forgive me for broaching an upsetting topic, but there are multiple accounts of your grandmother being able to feel your grandfather’s emotional turmoil, despite her not being Force sensitive. And of course every parent or sibling or close friend has a story of somehow sensing that a loved one needed their help, be they ever so powerless in the Force. It’s been suggested that this intuition comes from a kind of latent Force bond. Once upon a time I would have scoffed at the idea, but warfare and age have laid waste to my arrogance, and now I’m not so sure. 
> 
> I can find absolutely _nothing_ to indicate that a bond can be permanently severed. That is the only consistency. One bondmate can shut the other out, but they can’t destroy the connection. Any emotional bond will eventually weaken through long neglect, and this does seem to be true for (some) Force bonds. But as soon as the bondmates come back into contact, the connection is reforged, usually stronger than ever. 
> 
> As for interference from the outside, that is an extremely troubling question. Force bonds are soul-deep. It would take an extraordinary amount of power to tamper with one, let alone keep it strained indefinitely. That level of Darksider power hasn’t been seen in this galaxy for many years. Of course it’s possible someone could use a Sith artifact to magnify or direct their powers, but I don’t have any specifics on record. The Sith weren’t exactly forthcoming with Jedi archivists.
> 
> Finally, I must say I was extremely relieved to hear from you! I’d heard about the sabotage of The X-Wings of Love, and I’d been worried sick. Please take care of yourself, and if you think of any more questions, don’t hesitate to ask.
> 
> Yours Sincerely,
> 
> Jocasta Nu

Ben smiled; of course Jocasta would handle all official business before addressing her personal feelings. He made a mental note to ask his mother to send her some flowers. He read everything she’d sent him, and then began trying to pick up a few more phrases in the local languages to impress Rey, or maybe just for the fun of haggling with the artisans in the marketplace in their native language (when he bought something for Rey). He only looked up when Maz snatched the datapad from his hands.

“Eat,” she commanded sharply. “I didn’t cook that for my health; I cooked it for yours.”

“D’you think—”

“I said eat, boy. You eat, I talk.”

Ben dutifully tucked into souffle pancakes with muja fruit jam. Maz was a wonderful cook. As he ate she gave him a brief description of Rey’s adventures on Takodana. She warned him that she was only relaying publicly known information, and she wouldn’t be telling him anything told to her in confidence. Ben respected that, and felt more and more glad that Rey had ended up somewhere with friends like Maz. Rey, it turned out, had arrived on Takodana six years earlier, after hopping around planets for a few months doing various mechanical odd-jobs. Her last job fell through, so she’d stayed on, at first saying she’d go again when she found another job. But the village hadn’t had a blacksmith or a mechanic in a long time, and she found that people valued her work. Eventually, she made friends with Finn and Rose, rented her cottage, and adopted her goats.

“Is she—has she got someone?” asked Ben. He knew it was possible that she had a boyfriend or girlfriend. For a woman as wonderful as her, he’d be more surprised if she didn’t. He’d wondered if she was so angry at seeing him because she’d met someone else, and assumed he’d try to come between them. He wouldn’t do that. But if someone had stolen her heart, he wanted to brace himself. He could deal with the humiliation of crying like a child in front of Maz, but he didn’t want to guilt trip Rey. 

Maz regarded him thoughtfully.

The silence stretched, until Ben wondered if he’d said the wrong thing. Just as he was about to crack and apologize for asking, Maz shook her head.

“No. Many have tried, but no. But she is not alone, do you understand?”

“Yes.” 

She gave him another long look, and then nodded her head with a smile. “There may be hope for you yet.”

He sincerely hoped so.

He decided to leave precisely two hours after lunch (Rey said any time after lunch), when the preparations for the party were starting to get loud. He wasn’t trying to escape the noise, he told himself—he could be sociable! He just wanted to have an opportunity to talk to Rey before the party. The truth, if he was being honest with himself, was that he absolutely could not stand to stay in his room another minute. Not when Rey was so close by.

“Good afternoon,” he said to a Caregiver in the Lanai language on his way out of the castle. She was so surprised to be addressed in her own language by an Outsider that she dropped the pile of tentpoles she was carrying. They clattered noisily to the ground, drawing the attention of all the other Caretakers, who stared at her in silent judgment.

“I’m so sorry!” he said in Basic, and swooped down to help her pick them up. “Did I say it wrong? I hope it wasn’t offensive.”

“No, you speak very well. That’s why I was surprised,” said the Caretaker. “You have a gift for non-human languages, I think.”

“My first words were in Shyriiwook,” he said with a wink. She laughed.

“Say something!” said a small, child-like voice behind Ben’s left shoulder. He looked around to see a little human girl, about eight years old, whose mother was shushing her and giving Ben an apologetic look. Undeterred, the girl tugged on her mother’s sleeve with one hand and pointed at Ben with the other. “Mummy, the man can speak shy-wookiee!” 

Ben made a show of looking reluctant. “Are you sure you won’t be scared?”

“I’m sure!” The girl gave him a wide, eager grin. Ben nodded.

He said a few words, enough to make the girl laugh hysterically. “I like him,” the little girl said to her mother as she lead her away. Ben smiled.

“Will we see you at the party?” asked the Caretaker.

“Yes. I’ll be with Rey—that is, she’s coming with some friends, and I’ll be one of them,” he amended hastily. The Caretaker’s face twitched in a way that might have been amusement, but he didn’t want to make assumptions.

“You are gifted in choosing your friends, too, I think. Rey is well loved here. Even if her goats do eat everything they see, and stomp on everything else.”

“And shit on whatever’s left,” said another Caretaker.

“But that’s only when they escape their pens, which is less these days,” said the first.

“Tell that to farmer DJ’s orchards.”

“Tell DJ to pay his farmhands and then maybe his orchards will be left in peace.”

Ben couldn’t help a swell of pride. Of course she wouldn’t allow someone to neglect paying their workers. He stayed long enough to make sure the Caretakers didn’t need anything more from him, and then set off according to the directions that Maz had given him.

He’d have known which place was hers even without the directions. He felt drawn to it (and between the Force bond and the soulmate bond, he supposed he was). It was a small, two-story cottage, painted white with blue shutters. It radiated a comfortable, comforting energy. Not wildly joyful, but there were small indications of happiness. There were flowers in the window boxes, and three chairs on the porch. The fence that wrapped around the property, about chest-height, was something only Rey could have made—a patchwork of scavenged metals, wood, and glass that she’d woven together to create a beautiful pattern. From behind the fence he could hear her goats moving around. 

Ben strode quickly to Rey’s front door, which she opened before he could even knock. She looked bright-eyed and pink-cheeked and even more beautiful than the last time he saw her. His chest ached at the sight of her, badly enough that if he hadn’t been holding the goat, he’d have wanted to rub the ache away.

“Hi! You’re a little early, Ben.”

“Should I come back later?”

“No! Don’t leave.” There was a short pause when she winced at the implications of her words, but then she seemed to shrug it off. “No,’ you can come on in. You said you wanted to meet the goats, after all, and I’m just about to feed them. You can help me if you’re feeling brave.”

She lead him through the cottage. Like the outside, the inside was homey and peaceful. The floors were laid with wide stone tiles and the walls were bright white stucco, much like Maz’s castle. Rey had hung light-catchers in the windows in the kitchen and a mosaic in the living room, all of it looking homemade. He walked up to the mosaic to examine it more closely. It was made of light and dark pebbles, coming together to form a seated figure, half in light and half in shadow. He’d never seen the pattern before, but it felt deeply familiar.

“I kept dreaming of that,” said Rey, indicating the mosaic. He looked at her with raised eyebrows. She kept her focus on the mosaic, but nodded. “Yeah, it was almost as if it wouldn’t leave me alone until I made it. I think it represents the Force.”

“Balance.”

“Yes.” Her face lit up with shared understanding. “That’s exactly what it is.”

There was nothing ostentatious about Rey’s home, but there was something bright and beautiful about every room. He loved it. He wished he could stay with her instead of at the castle for the rest of his time on Takodana, but asking that wasn’t a good idea. If he pushed, he’d only wreck his chances. They walked through the cottage and out the back door to the goat enclosure.

There were, Ben quickly counted, eight adult goats and one baby. The baby gamboled, tiny and adorable, after its mother. One of the goats, a large white male with horns that rose and curved impressively up and away from his face, walked straight up to Ben and stared at him.

“Should I pet him?” he asked Rey.

“Put your hand out and let him come to you. He’s a grumpy old sod, but he’s harmless, really. It’s some of the other ones that make the most trouble.” Rey turned away from him and began unlocking the food barrels. Most of the goats knew what this meant and totally ignored Ben in favor of crowding Rey and bleating for their lunch.

But not the grumpy old sod. He sniffed at Ben’s hand, nibbled indifferently at his shoe (soon giving it up as not worth the effort), and then walked a few paces away. There was a large ball lying on the ground, and he nudged it toward Ben. Clearly he expected something, but Ben was at a loss to think what. He glanced at Rey, but she was still engrossed in her task. The goat nudged the ball again, a little harder this time, so that it rolled to a stop against Ben’s foot. The goat danced a few steps, clearly thinking this would mean something. Ben, hoping he’d interpreted correctly, nudged the ball gently back in the direction of the goat. More prancing. He knocked the ball back toward Ben again. Feeling a little more confident, Ben allowed himself to be drawn into a game of soccer. He was too engrossed in the game to register the gradually quieting sounds of the other goats as they began to eat, or Rey re-locking the food barrels. When he finally looked up, she was staring at him and with a look of astonishment.

“He really likes you,” she said.

“Were you expecting he wouldn’t?” Ben had a sudden mental image of being impaled on the goat’s horns.

“I thought he’d sniff your hand and then walk away, that’s all,” she said, in a tone of wounded dignity. He wondered if she’d read his mind. “Good job making friends with him. It took me ages to get him to play.”

She walked up to the ball and picked it up. The goat watched her intently. She tossed the ball, gently and lightly, straight at him. He zoomed forward and tilted his head at just the right angle to headbutt it high into the air and send it sailing back to Rey’s hands. Clearly pleased with himself, he danced a little goat-jig, and then pawed at the ground while he waited for Rey to throw the ball again.

“So _that’s_ the game,” Ben laughed.

“_Meeee-eee-eeeeeh_,” said the goat, whose ball had not yet been re-thrown.

“Off with you, eat your lunch!” said Rey. It took a bit more scolding and shooing, but he finally turned away with an irritated “_meee-eee-eeeh!_” and stuck his head into his bowl.

“I fitted them up with individual bowls that only they can access, so they don’t fight over who gets what,” Rey said proudly. “Each of them has a chip on their collar, and a corresponding chip on their bowl. It stays shut until they open it, and none of the other goats’ chips will open their bowls.”

“That’s a really impressive idea. Did they fight a lot before that?”

“Nah, not really. They just pushed a lot, and one always got more food than the others. It was also pretty noisy. The neighbors weren’t too happy.”

“More or less than DJ and his destroyed orchards?”

Rey flushed, but raised her chin. “He ‘forgot’ to pay his workers, so I ‘forgot’ to close my gate. Accidents happen.”

“I’m sure he never made that mistake again,” said Ben. “And I’m sure his workers are grateful.”

She smiled at him. They were silent for a moment, until the goats finished their meals one by one, and began walking around the enclosure again. The baby followed its mother, stopping to bleat plaintively if she walked too fast. Ben smiled.

“What are their names? I don’t think you ever told me.” He felt a spike of embarrassment from her through their bond, and looked over in surprise to see her blushing.

“You didn’t name them ‘Die Ben Die,’ did you?”

“Of course not! I named them after people in the stories you used to tell me when I was little. The one you made friends with? That’s Scoundrel. His mate is Princess.”

The rest of the goats were Lando, Bail, Breha, Obi Wan, Chewbacca, Luke, and baby Wicket.

“All this time, and you didn’t forget their names?”

“No,” she said quietly.

Rey made them tea, and they took it out and sat on the front porch. Ben closed his eyes for a moment, wishing this were his life: responsibilities met, goats fed, tea with Rey on the porch in comfortable silence on a beautiful warm day. The illusion would shatter when he opened his eyes, he knew, so he kept them closed for as long as he dared.

“Are you tired?” she asked gently. He opened his eyes to look at her, and found her smiling at him. Her Force signature was awash in light and affection so sweet it nearly brought tears to his eyes.

“No, I’m not tired.”

“So—tell me about your life,” she said after a few moments’ silence. “I don’t really know anything apart from what you told me, and I know you weren’t always the most truthful with me before.”

“Why would you say that? I never lied to you.”

“I just mean that there are things you can’t tell a young child. But I’m all grown up now, so you can tell me.”

He considered this for a moment, and decided she was right. He told her the saga of his family, beginning with Palpatine targeting his grandfather.

“Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader were the same person. Anakin was—is—my biological grandfather.” He looked over at Rey, who raised an eyebrow.

“Of course I know who your grandfather was, Ben. I heard about the scandal with Leia Organa’s bloodline all the way in Jakku. Did you think I would be chased away by an old ghost?”

“I don’t think anything could drive you away from where you wanted to be,” he said. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Rey looked away.

He continued the story, giving her an overview of the Dark presence seeking him out when his mother was still pregnant, of his family’s long battle with Snoke, and the aftermath.

“I’m so sorry, Ben. That’s terrible,” said Rey. He felt her compassion radiating out of her in the Force, and allowed himself a moment to bask in it.

“I think my parents were hoping everything would go back to normal. That _I_ would go back to normal. But I didn’t. Sure, I was alone in my head for the first time in my entire life, and that was great. But my mind and my powers—I struggled for a long time. My Force abilities would manifest when I was angry or frustrated, even if I didn’t want them to. Once when I was about twelve I got frustrated because I couldn’t understand my homework, and threw my hands up in the air. Every window in the house shattered. I panicked. I completely lost control, and nearly brought the house down around my ears.”

“How did you make it stop?”

“I didn’t. My dad did it. He doesn’t really believe in the Force,” said Ben, shifting uncomfortably. Rey nodded, accepting the abrupt change in subject. “He knows it exists—his wife is Leia Organa and his brother-in-law is Luke Skywalker—he can’t deny its existence even though I’m pretty sure he’d like to. Even so, it’s one thing to _know_ something and another to _believe_ it. I’ve known that about him for as long as I can remember. But that day he walked right up to me. He put his hands on my shoulders and said, ‘It’s okay, son. I know it hurts. I’m here.’ Him standing there with me, risking his life to be there for me—it anchored me. He may not have believed in the Force, but he believed in me. I focused on him, and the Dark ebbed away.”

Ben took a moment to wipe at his eyes.

“After that my uncle was fairly obnoxious about wanting to train me to be a Jedi. I think I scared him, because I reminded him of my grandfather. He wanted to keep an eye on me, or maybe train all the Dark away. But my dad wouldn’t have it, and I’m grateful for that. I love my uncle, but it’s dangerous for a Jedi master to be afraid of their apprentice.”

“You’d be wasted as a Jedi,” Rey remarked, matter-of-factly and without judgment. When she caught sight of his raised eyebrow she said, “Jedi knights are made for diplomacy, for objectivity. For cleaning up other people’s messes. You’re too passionate to be a Jedi, and I mean that as a compliment. No, I don’t think that’s what the Force intended for you. Plus, and I’m sure I’m not the first person to tell you this, Ben, but you have a terrible poker face.”

“Someone actually said that to me very recently. She said I had the poker face of a protocol droid, actually.” Poor Kaydel. A wave of pain went through him as he remembered her. Rey said nothing for a long moment.

“What happened after you decided not to become a Jedi?” she asked, and Ben wondered if he was imagining the carefully constructed indifference in her voice. He tried to reach out as gently as he could across the bond, but she was closed off and he retreated. It was strange, he thought, to be having two such separate conversations at the same time.

“I grew up. I did eventually learn how to control my powers. When I was ten, I met a little girl. She was all alone in the world, with no parents to help her. She was an extraordinary girl, strong with the Force, clever, loyal, funny, wise. She was my best friend from the first time I saw her, when she grabbed hold of my hand and bit my thumb.”

Rey wouldn’t look at him. He plunged on ahead anyway.

“I was desperate to find her. I wanted to find her and bring her home to be with me and my family. I wanted to take care of her, to make sure she’d never be alone again. My parents agreed with me, and we tried to—I wasn’t lying, Rey, we really tried to find you. My father and I went to Jakku so many times, we lost count. It wasn’t until years later that we finally realized what was happening. Plutt held a grudge against my father. He hid you when we came, and he threatened everyone so no one would tell us the truth when we asked about you. Luke tried to find you in the Force, but he couldn’t. That was my fault. I taught you to shield yourself because I was so scared that someone like Snoke would try to find you.”

He watched her face carefully while he spoke, but he was still surprised when her face suddenly crumpled and she let out half whimper.

“You really wanted me?”

There were no words that could have told her what he felt, so he gathered his feeling and sent them to her across the bond. Her face crumpled still further, and she reached for his hand. He gave it to her willingly, and she held it up to rest her face against his palm.

“I’m sorry I misjudged you so badly. I’m sorry I didn’t come and beat down your door when I finally got off Jakku. I thought you just didn’t want me because I was a filthy scavenger from Jakku.”

“Rey,” he said her name for lack of anything else to say. “You were always my family.”

He stroked the side of her face with his thumb until she stopped crying and gave him a watery smile.

“I’m going to kill Plutt,” she said.

“I won’t tell anyone if you do, but in your place I wouldn’t bother. He’s in prison, and will stay there for the rest of his life. I’m sure he’s more miserable alive and powerless than he’d be if you killed him. Personally I hope he lives another hundred years.”

“Mmm, I bet you’re right,” she said. She twined her fingers with his and looked out across her garden again.

“I’m a professor now. It’s funny you should say I’d be wasted as a Jedi because you think I wouldn’t like diplomacy. I do a lot of diplomatic work.”

She turned to him with a look of horror, but he only smiled at her. “Oh no, Ben, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“I know exactly what you meant, and you were right. I’m not a Jedi. The work I do is in advocacy. Mostly I try to convince politicians to be decent and ethical. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.”

“What’s your focus?”

He looked down at their intertwined hands. “Mostly I argue against archaic systems of indentured servitude that equate to defacto slavery.”

“Oh.” Her Force signature flooded with waves of contradictory and complicated emotions. 

“I’m trying to make sure what happened to you never happens to anyone ever again. But, to be fair, I’m doing it mostly by teaching, writing papers, attending conferences.”

“That means more than you think, Ben.”

“Thank you. And now, will you tell me about your life?”

“But you’re not done. I know how you became a professor, but not how you ended up on Takodana.”

Ben knew she was stalling, but relented anyway. He gave her a brief overview of the last few years. He told her about Leia’s illness, and her insistence that he go on the cruise. Then he told her about making friends with Larma and Kaydel, reconnecting with Poe, and fighting Bazine.

“Kaydel and Poe died trying to save my life,” he said. He hung his head, and Rey squeezed his hand reassuringly.

“They were your friends and they loved you. They knew you’d have done the same for them.” 

They sat in silence for a little while, still holding hands. Ben was gratified to know that she thought he’d sacrifice himself for his friends. Especially since she’d gone all this time thinking he abandoned her. He let the minutes drift by, just enjoying being so near his soulmate for the first time.

“I’m glad we got to talk before you go home,” Rey said quietly. The pleasant atmosphere screeched to a halt. “When will you be leaving?”

“Leave?” he asked. It was the only word that had registered. 

“I know you’re stuck here because of the investigation, but interplanetary travel will open back up in a few days. When will you go back to Chandrila?”

Ben’s head swam and his heart pounded. This was it. Rey didn’t want him, and he’d have to go home (not that Chandrila was home without her, not anymore) and just—what? Live the rest of his life alone. He pulled his hand away from hers. Having physical contact when she was sending him away was too much. He’d known this was coming. Hadn’t he scolded himself over the past day, again and again, not to get his hopes up? Hadn’t he told his mother there was no one waiting, that he wasn’t worth waiting for? But now, after spending time with her, it was worse than he could’ve imagined.

“It’s just—” Rey began.

“No,” he cut her off. He didn’t need to hear her explanation; she didn’t owe him one. He tried to smile at her, to show her there were no hard feelings, but found at the last second that he could neither smile nor look at her, and ended up grimacing in her general direction. “No, it’s all right. I understand. My family will probably come, once travel opens back up. I guess I’ll go back with them.”

“Are you sure you’re all right?” she asked carefully. She reached for his hand again, but he stood up and walked to the edge of her porch. He couldn’t think straight. He didn’t want to hurt her, or be possessive or childish, but he couldn’t stand her touching him when she was also sending him away. He angled his body away from hers, so she couldn’t see his face. Though what good would that did do, when she could feel him in the bond? He sighed.

“No, I’m not. But I will be. I’ll leave as soon as I can. I think—I’ve got a headache, so I think I should go back to Maz’s and lie down. You know where to find me now, so if you ever need anything, I hope you’ll say so.”

He gave her a half wave without turning around, and began to leave. He knew he was being melodramatic and transparent, but he had to get away. His emotions were getting the better of him and if he didn’t leave he’d either beg her to love him or drop dead of a heart attack. Both happened sometimes, when people were rejected by their soulmates.

“Oiy!” Rey snapped when he’d barely gone a step. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I already said: back to the castle. Headache. Thank you, for letting me come over.” He was telling the truth, if not the whole truth. His head felt as if it was splitting open, and he could hardly breathe from the tightness in his chest. He just had to get away from Rey. That was not something he’d ever thought he’d want, but in the moment it was what he needed. 

“No! Don’t you dare! You don’t get to walk away and leave me, not again!” Rey shouted. He whirled, angry now, and saw her standing on her porch with clenched fists and tears running down her face.

“I did _not_ leave you! I was wrenched away! I fought for years to get back to you, and you never lifted a finger to come to me! You don’t get to act like you’re the only one who lost something. What do you want?”

“I want you to tell me what you want!”

“You know what I want! I have no poker face, remember? I’m an open book. You’re so shielded I don’t know if you can find yourself!”

“Oh, very funny! I was _ten! _I’ve been alone ever since!”

“What do you mean, ‘alone?’” he scoffed, hating himself but unable to stop. “This whole kriffing village adores you. You deserve it. But when it comes to me? Don’t try to hide behind your age. You _chose_. You chose not to seek me out. After everything we went through, even with our bond, you chose to assume I’d reject you for being poor. I spent years looking for you! You just gave up on me, like I was nothing to you.”

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I’ve been without my soulmate just as long as you have. I’ve been lonely, I’ve been sad, I’ve wondered what was wrong with me. I’ve resigned myself to being fundamentally unlovable, while I watched everyone else meet their match and live happily ever after. I had _no choice_. You did. I’ve had enough people assuming the worst in me, trying to make me into some kind of monster. But I’m not, and I’m not gonna let you paint me as one.” 

Rey stared at him, shell-shocked and crying. Ben shrugged, trying to project resignation he didn’t feel. It was best to face this and get it over with. “So if you don’t want me, it’s all right. I truly do understand. It’s been a long time, and a lot’s happened. I know I’m not—I know what I look like, and I know my personality’s no better. I know I’m not what you deserve. But don’t turn your rejection of me into me abandoning you.”

She continued crying openly, and he realized what he’d done. After spending nearly his entire life relentlessly working toward being the best version of himself, he’d hurt the one person he was supposed to love the most. The first time he’d told his soulmate he Knew, he was shouting at her. His anger vanished, and his heart sank like a stone.

“You Know?” she asked. When he didn’t respond she said, “For how long?”

“Yesterday. I’ve always loved you, but you were a child when we met. You were like a family member. I couldn’t have Known, not really, until I met you again as an adult. But I Know now.”

She walked down the steps of her porch to stand in front of him, close enough that he could count her freckles and see the flecks of green and gold in her eyes. Her face was red and puffy from crying, and there were tear tracks on her cheeks. But through the bond he could feel peace and certainty overtaking her anger and sadness. Her certainty kept him rooted in the spot, when he would otherwise have turned and fled. “Ben, I don’t remember the first time I Knew. That’s how long ago it was. After we were separated, I thought I must’ve been wrong. I was so desperately lonely, I thought maybe I’d just imagined Knowing. After a while I even began to question whether you were real. I thought I might have made you up, like a daydream or an imaginary friend. If you were real, I thought—you know what I thought. But then I saw you yesterday, and I Knew all over again.”

She took a deep, shuddering breath. Slowly, she lifted her right hand and intertwined her fingers with his. They both stared at their joined hands, too afraid to look into each other’s eyes. Rey went on, “I didn’t ask when you were leaving because I don’t want you. It’s not that. It’s just that you have a life on Chandrila, and I can’t put my hopes into something that’s not going to last. Yes I have friends, but that doesn’t mean I’m not alone. I am, in so many ways. After my parents, and what happened with us, I can’t be left behind again, I don’t want to be alone—”

“I’m sorry for what I said. You’re my soulmate, and I’ll always be there for you, no matter what. I can be in your life, or not, in any way you need. You’re not alone.”

“You’re not alone, either,” she said. She looked up at him and smiled softly. At her simple words he felt something profound fall into place. “You’re not alone, and you’re not nothing. You were _never_ nothing to me. I waited for you every day. Every I waited and hoped and dreamed. When I thought you weren’t coming, my heart broke into so many tiny pieces I thought I’d never be whole again. I still don’t know—I do know I want you, Ben. It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just don’t think I can drop everything to follow you to Chandrila, and—”

“I wouldn’t ask you to, not right away. You’re right. You have a life here, and this isn’t a race. We can go as slow as you want.”

“Really?” She smiled, a truly unburdened smile, for the first time. Ben’s heart soared. The Force swirled around them, triumphant. Rey put her arms around his chest and hugged him tight, her head on his shoulder. He held her tenderly, and felt all of his doubts fade away. After a moment, Rey said into his shoulder, “Will you say it again?”

He didn’t need to be asked what he meant. “I feel it, too. I Know. I love you. You’re not alone.”


	6. The Fall of the Dark

Rey couldn’t stop grinning as she walked hand-in-hand with Ben down the red dirt road that lead from her cottage towards Takodana Castle. It was a warm day, but not too hot; the sun was shining, and Takodana’s forests glimmered like emeralds in the distance. She told him mundane stories about everything and nothing: the personalities of her goats, and how she built her interwoven fence. They’d covered all of the heavy emotional material already, and could now begin to really get to know one another again. While holding hands.

Was this what perfect happiness felt like, Rey wondered? Just being near Ben made her feel content—complete in a way that she’d never felt before. She’d worried that their Knowing would reduce her to one of those doe-eyed idiots who followed their soulmates around like toddlers. But it wasn’t like that with Ben. He valued her for the same qualities she valued herself. She unexpectedly felt freer. Instead of constantly having to worry about what her life would be like without a soulmate, or how someone might swoop in and overturn everything, she could just live however she wanted to.

Granted, she and Ben had fought. It was an inevitable fight, given their history and their equally fiery temperaments. She had to learn that he wasn’t a threat to her independence, and he had to learn to speak up instead of retreating into himself. They’d both had to learn to not assume the worst. The important thing was, she had her Ben back. He did love her, had always loved her, and always would. Their separation had nothing to do with him. She’d been wrong about him, horribly so. But she’d never been happier to be wrong in her entire life.

After all those years of longing and pining, he was right there, solid and comforting and strong. She could feel him in the Force in a way she’d never been able to feel anyone else, and that was comforting, too. She couldn’t read his thoughts unless she tried, but she caught wisps of emotion—a bit of hope here, a touch of humor there, and a stray image or two. She saw a memory of the bookshelves in his office, and the look on her own face when she smiled at him.

Yes, Rey decided. This was exactly what perfect happiness felt like. Only one thing still confused her.

“Ben, why do you think our bond stopped connecting us? I didn’t sever it. So what happened?”

Ben frowned. “I don’t know, and I don’t like it. I’ve bothered poor Jocasta Nu at the Jedi archives so many times she’s become an expert on Force bonds. But I still don’t know.” He squeezed her hand. “Yesterday, when we saw each other again, did it come back for you right away?”

Rey nodded, and grinned at him, bumping his shoulder with hers. “Instantly, though I wasn’t pleased about it.”

“Same for me—except I was pleased. As soon as I saw you, it was back as though it had never left. Jocasta says bonds can become strained, but if the bondmates are reunited, it snaps back into place.”

They smiled at each other, both reliving their memories of the previous day, and both feeling the echoes of it from the other. What a difference a day made; now it was healing for her to think about their reforged connection. She could already tell that even with the dramatics, it would become a cherished memory for them both. Ben caught that thought along the bond, and she watched his eyes soften with tenderness. Then something distracted him from his happy, romantic thoughts, and he frowned again.

“It bothers me that the bond was so dormant for so long. For a while I thought I was being paranoid, but after the cruise I don’t think so. Someone was deliberately tampering with it to keep us apart.”

“Who, and how?” Rey startled back in shock. She’d assumed it was something to do with the physical distance.

He explained to Rey about fighting Bazine on the cruise ship, invading her mind, and sensing a presence within her that reminded him of Snoke.

“I’m ashamed of how cruel I was to her. I’d like to say I don’t know what came over me, but I know exactly what happened: I let my anger get the better of me and I fell to the dark side.”

She squeezed his hand. “Ben, that’s not true. You didn’t fall. We all struggle with the dark sometimes. You were angry, and frightened, and you made a mistake. If I ever meet her, I’ll do a great deal worse to her for threatening you.”

He raised her hand to kiss her knuckles. Up to then they’d only shown affection to each other by hugging, never anything so overtly romantic. This first touch of his warm, soft lips on her skin was sweet, and unexpectedly erotic. She loved that his touch made her feel safe, as well as excited. She suddenly understood the version of herself from her visions a lot better. 

When he cradled her face in his hands, she thought he was going to kiss her. Instead he just stared into her eyes, the tilt of his brows and the pursed line of his mouth showing love and fear in equal parts. 

“Rey, I’ve only just found you again. You wanting to protect me means much more than I can say. But what I felt in Bazine’s mind—it wasn’t simple dark sider energy. I don’t think it even came from her. She’s not powerful enough to control whatever this is. I think it’s controlling her. I know how strong you are, but don’t be reckless. Don’t try to take it on alone.”

She raised her hands to rub soothing circles on his wrists. “Together, then. Whatever it is, we’ll take it on together.”

This seemed to satisfy him. They turned to walk again toward the castle. They were getting closer now; the crowd along the road was thickening. Occasionally someone who knew Rey would call out to her, smiling and waving. She could tell that they were curious about this new man with her, but she wasn’t much interested in explaining Ben’s presence. At least not before she introduced him to Rose and Finn, and she was already anxious enough about that. The only thing they’d ever heard about Ben was that he supposedly abandoned her all those years ago. They were reasonable, she reminded herself, and they wanted her to be happy. Even if it took a little time for them to get used to Ben, they would give him a fair chance. 

The castle grounds were overrun with activity, as they always were during the Lanai gatherings. Pop-up vendors sold drinks, food, and trinkets. In the middle of the large open space was a huge dance floor, surrounded by fire pits. As soon as the sun went down there’d be dancing, followed by a performance from the Lanai storytellers. It was a comforting, joyful ritual, and Rey was glad for the chance to share it with Ben.

She spotted Rose buying a glass of cherry fruit fizz not long after they entered the grounds. “Okay, deep breaths. Let’s do this,” she said, more to herself than to Ben. She squeezed his hand and walked them in Rose’s direction. Ben, for his part, didn’t look especially ruffled, though she felt a strong level of anxiety coming off of him through their bond.

Rose turned, taking a sip of her drink, and caught sight of them. Her eyes landed on Ben and went huge with shock over the rim of her glass. 

“Is this Ben?” She strode forward with her hand outstretched for Ben to shake. He accepted her hand and smiled down at her.

“How did you know?” asked Rey. 

Rose snorted. “Who else would you be walking around holding hands with? Of course he’s Ben.” She turned back to Ben with an eyebrow quirked. “Your reputation precedes you. It looks like things are going better today than yesterday, but you’re not off the hook.”

Rey opened her mouth to object, but she felt Ben asking her not to through the bond.

“I respect that,” he said. “Rey’s happiness is what matters to me. I’m glad I’m not the only one.”

Rose made a _hmm_ sound, giving him an evaluating look. Then she shrugged, satisfied for the moment. “Well, let’s get you two some food. And find my wayward boyfriend. I know he’s around here somewhere.”

They found Finn talking to Maz near the entrance of the castle. Her reaction to Ben and Rey was to pretend as if nothing was out of the ordinary—but her smirk indicated that she took full credit for their coming together, and was very pleased with herself for it. Finn, on the other hand, gaped at the two of them, and then finally said to Ben, “So you’re the imaginary friend.”

To Rey’s surprise, Ben laughed. “Poor Rey, if she couldn’t imagine a cooler friend than me.”

“You were so cool!” Rey objected.

“I was a gangly teenager with terrible skin and worse self-esteem. I hadn’t even figured out how to wear my hair to cover my ears; they stuck out terribly. You were the only one who thought I was cool.”

“I was ahead of my time,” she grumbled. Ben smiled at her with heartbreaking fondness, and raised their hands to kiss her knuckles again.

“Is this—did you two work things out?” Finn gestured between them, eyebrows raised.

“It looks to me like they had a very necessary conversation,” said Maz. “Scuppering my own water tanks was worth it.”

“I knew you did that on purpose!” said Rey. 

Maz just shrugged. “Someone’s gotta set things in motion around here. Talking of which, places to go, people to see.” She waved over her shoulder as she turned and walked away. 

“Rose, how do we feel about this?” Finn asked conversationally, staring pointedly at Ben and Rey’s joined hands.

“Wildly optimistic. I mean, have you ever seen Rey blush? Look at her!” Rose gestured to Rey’s face, which Rey promptly tried to hide by turning away.

“Your blush is beautiful,” Ben murmured, which only made her blush harder. 

Rey had thought Finn would be the tougher of the two for Ben to win over, but he seemed to fit in well with both of them right away. They picked up flash-fried zuchii and Keshian spice rolls from the vendors, sat down at one of the tables just outside the dance floor, and set about dispelling the awkwardness by telling funny stories about each other.

“How did you meet Rey?” Ben asked Finn. They’d had to stop holding hands to eat properly. Rey had felt silly for being so disappointed about it, until she felt Ben deliberately press the outside of his thigh against hers. The gentle, reassuring contact anchored her.

Finn laughed, while Rose groaned. “Oh no, not that story again. These two retell that story every time they get drunk. I’m just forewarning you, Ben,” she said.

“It’s a good story!” Finn laughed. “So: Rey was doing some mechanic work down at the docking station. Mostly just helping folks out that came to the castle. I knew Rey by reputation—everybody said she was a great mechanic, and friendly, but not to mess with her. I didn’t think too much about it. But then I hear all this shouting. I went over to see what was going on, and here’s this huge guy, size of a rathtar—”

“He gets bigger every time Finn tells it,” Rose said confidentially to Ben.

“He does not! _Anyway_, like I said I’d heard of Rey but I hadn’t met her, so I didn’t know what she looked like, apart from white human woman. So I see this guy screaming in this woman’s face, and I decide to go over and make sure she’s okay. Cause I’m a gentleman.”

“He actually is,” Rey added.

“Of the highest caliber,” said Rose.

Finn leaned over and kissed Rose on the cheek, which made her giggle. “You’re gonna make me get all shy.” He ducked his head, pretending to play off embarrassment he truly felt. Rey grinned at him.

“It’s true. You see, Ben, Finn was the first person I ever made friends with on Takodana. I think the mark of a true gentleman is to be able to treat everyone equally, especially women. Finn showed me he could do that right away. So he’s very special to me and I love him very much. He’s looked out for me all these years, and he and Rose are like family to me.”

“_Stop_, or you’re gonna make me cry,” said Finn. 

“It takes a true gentleman to admit vulnerability,” said Ben. In his tone he played along with the light nature of the conversation, but Rey could tell that she wasn’t the only one to see that he was very serious when he said, “Rey and Rose are clearly excellent judges of character.”

“Go on, then, tell him what happened next,” said Rose.

“So I start running over while this huge man is screaming at this woman about how she’s fixing his ship wrong cause she wants to price gauge him, right? And he starts acting really aggressive, like the situation’s about to get ugly. Then, outta _nowhere_, bam! Rey’s thwacked him on the head and got her staff under his chin and is yelling about how this dumb nerf-herder doesn’t know the difference between a power converter and a compressor, and if he wants to pilot a janky ship that’s his kriffing problem. By the time I got there all I had to do was stand beside her and say ‘yeah’ a couple times, and I’m not even sure she really needed me to do that.”

“I dunno about that, I think you standing there made him realize someone else could see him trying to act like a jerk. And you forced me to go tell Maz about him, which I wouldn’t have done if you didn’t make me.”

“He was threatening you! He deserved it!”

“He did, I agree. But I wasn’t used to being treated like someone who deserved not to be threatened. You stood up for me. Like a gentleman.”

They sat and talked like that for hours, no one really noticing the time as it went by. The sun was beginning to go down when Maz approached their table. “Ben, your mother arranged a transport here from Endor for all of the survivors from the, um—” she broke off before saying the name of the cruise ship.

“The X-Wings of Love?” he supplied, his tone equal parts chagrined and defeated. Rey felt a stab of embarrassment on his behalf. What had ever possessed him to go on a cruise with a ship of that name? Finn, in the middle of taking a sip of his drink, promptly spat it out, then pretended to be seized with a coughing fit.

“Yes. That. She also came herself. She and some of the others are at the docking station. I’m also hearing that someone named Poe is very eager to speak with you.”

Rey felt the jolt of Ben’s shock through the bond so strongly she jumped, as if she’d touched a live wire.

“That can’t—he was lost, they said he died—”

“I know, I heard the reports too. But Leia was adamant over the comms. I think you’d better get down there and see, kiddo.”

“Do you want us to wait here?” Rose asked Ben as he got up to leave.

Ben shook his head. “No, come with us. My mother will want to meet you.”

Rey took his hand again as soon as they were standing. He looked down at her, still distracted but a little relieved, too.

“No matter what, I’m here,” she said. He smiled at her, and she could see his love for her just as easily as she could feel it. Neither of them was ready to say it, but the emotions were there, patiently waiting for both of them to give voice to how they felt.

Rey’s worry for Ben, and his worry for Poe, had distracted her so much that it didn’t occur to her to be nervous about meeting his mother—the actual Leia Organa—until they were already at the hangar. Ben sensed her feelings and turned, raising his eyebrows.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just. What if you mother doesn’t like me?”

Ben’s look was one of sheer consternation. “Rey, my mother has liked you since you were born. The first time our bond connected us, you were an infant. And I have not stopped talking about you since. She’s been so determined for me to meet my soulmate she shipped me off on a MateQuest cruise. She’ll be thrilled it turned out to be you, and she’ll never let us hear the end of it. Is this—”

Any further conversation was cut off by a blonde woman in her thirties calling out to Ben. He turned at the sound of his name, and his face split into a wide grin.

“Kaydel! You’re alive!” Ben and the woman, Kaydel, both laughed as she jumped into his arms and gave him a bear hug. She pulled back immediately, but not before Rey felt a sting of jealousy. Kaydel was very pretty, and open with her affection in a way that Rey wished she could be.

“So are you!” Kaydel laughed, and punched Ben lightly on the arm. “We thought that you’d died until your mother told us otherwise. The comms have been all messed up since the attack, and there was an embargo on—wait, what’s going on?”

When Rey turned in the direction Kaydel was looking, her mouth dropped open in utter shock. Finn and Rose were both holding hands with a man she’d never seen before, and both of them were looking at him as if he was the most amazing thing they’d ever seen. Rose’s cheeks were pinked and her eyes shining, while Finn just stared in slack-jawed adoration.

“Poe?” Rey heard Ben ask in a small, confused voice. This new man was Poe, then?

She didn’t have time to be relieved that Ben’s friend was, indeed, alive, before he sprang forward and gathered Finn in his arms to kiss him. Finn melted into Poe’s embrace, both men clinging to each other in a way that could only mean one thing: this was their Knowing.

Rey’s heart broke for Rose. Of all the terrible things that could happen, her watching Finn meet his soulmate was quite possibly the worst. Rey was already trying to think of ways to be there for her friend, to get Rose away from Finn and Poe, that maybe she should offer to let Rose move in with her when—in a move which only furthered Rey’s astonishment—Poe suddenly released Finn, gathered Rose in his arms, and kissed her with just as much passion as he had done Finn. Rose clung to him and kissed him back with such eagerness that Rey felt a little uncomfortable. 

“A tri-bond,” Kaydel breathed. “I’d heard of them, but I’ve never seen one in person. That’s amazing.”

Kaydel stared at them for a second longer, then turned her bright smile on Rey. “I just knew Ben was going to meet his soulmate on this trip. Turns out I was right!”

“How did you—”

“I saw him staring at you earlier. No mistaking it. I make that expression all the time when I look at my soulmate.”

Rey already felt guilty for being jealous. Ben casually bumped into her side. He made it look like an accident, but she knew it wasn’t. He sent her a gentle push of reassurance.

“It’s good to meet you, Kaydel. I’ve hear a lot good things about you.”

“Where are Larma and Mon Mothma?” Ben asked Kaydel, who waved in a general direction back toward the ship. 

“Mothma wanted to catch up with your mom. She should be coming this way soon.”

“Oh wow. Mom and Dad both came. And Uncle Chewie. Even Uncle Luke,” said Ben. She turned to see Han Solo smirking and shaking his head at Poe. Next to him were Leia Organa, Chewbacca, and Luke Skywalker. Rey hadn’t had much education on Jakku, but every once in a while she’d come across a poster showing the Rebel heroes in one of the old ships, and she felt like she was looking at one again. The figures in question were older, of course: Han’s face was lined, and Luke wore a beard as gray as his hair, but there was no mistaking the regal bearing of Leia. Chewbacca, of course, hadn’t aged a day.

“I always knew that boy would either find trouble wherever he went, or make it.” Han Solo chuckled as he looked at Poe, who was still kissing Finn and Rose in turn. But then he turned to Rey, and she promptly embarrassed herself. 

“You’re Han Solo,” Rey said. Stupidly. She’d known that Han was Ben’s father, but she hadn’t fully been prepared for how starstruck she’d be upon meeting the legendary smuggler. He was so famous on Jakku that one of the scavengers was once able to get two hundred portions from one of Putt’s underlings in exchange for a mint they swore came straight from Solo’s mouth. (The scavenger was lying, of course; they’d chewed up the mint themselves. But Plutt’s goons were stupid.)

“That’s what they say. Or shout, when they’re trying to kill me,” he grinned. “And you must be Rey. Ben’s been waiting a long time to meet you in person. Glad it finally happened.”

“I can’t believe she was more excited to meet you than me. First time that’s ever happened.” Luke Skywalker groused, but his eyes twinkled in amusement. 

“Sorry,” Rey mumbled, embarrassed. Luke shook his head and laughed. 

“No need. I’m sorry for teasing. It’s wonderful to meet you, Rey.” He held out his hand for her to shake. When their hands connected, she felt his Force signature. He’d looked at ease, but in truth he was deeply troubled, worried about her and Ben. She was sure he hadn’t meant to project that, so she tried to pretend she hadn’t noticed. 

Meanwhile, Ben engulfed his mother in a hug, then stepped back to hold her at arm’s length and grin at her. He gestured toward Rey. 

“Mom, I’d like you to meet my soulmate, Rey Niima.”

Rey offered a handshake to Leia, but instead Leia took Rey’s hand in both of hers, gently cupping it. She ran her thumb over Rey’s palm, before covering it with her other hand. Rey stared down at Leia’s ring, famous for its twin planet design. She looked up into Leia’s eyes and was shocked by how much of Ben she saw there. Leia looked back at her with warmth, tenderness, and hopeful curiosity. Then she reached forward with both hands to pull Rey into a hug.

She’d had Ben to hug her when she was a child, and after making friends with Maz, Rose, and Finn she’d had them, too, but she still wasn’t entirely used to being shown affection. Especially not from someone with energy as comforting and maternal as Leia’s. She was still the Princess, Senator, and Rebellion leader she’d always been—Rey could feel all of that strength and defiance in the Force, but she could also feel Leia’s incredible love. She could feel, in fact, that her strength came from her love. She couldn’t wait for the two of them to become friends.

“Ben! It’s so good to see you, though I’d prefer it be under better circumstances.” Rey turned to see him grinning ear to ear and shaking hands with an elderly white human woman. Her long gray hair was piled atop her head in a large bun and fixed in place with two thin skewer-like rods.

“Jocasta, thank you for coming! Rey, this is Jocasta Nu, the Jedi archivist. Jocasta, this is my soulmate, Rey.”

“The bondmate?” Jocasta asked. Her eyes fell on Rey with keen academic interest. 

Rey found herself charmed by Jocasta, and by her friendship with Ben. They chatted easily about both his research and hers. Rey was content to listen to him talk to his friend—he was so nerdy when he was talking about something that truly interested him, and she found herself smiling affectionately because of it—when she felt him take her hand again, and give it a quick squeeze, as if he’d heard her thoughts.

They left Finn, Poe, and Rose behind, knowing they’d catch up when they were ready. Rey wanted to congratulate them, and give Poe the same “you’re not off the hook” speech Rose had given Ben, but it could wait. She chuckled suddenly under her breath, making Ben turn to see what had amused her.

“I was just thinking, Finn and Rose won’t have time to be evaluating whether you’re a good match for me, cause they’ll be too busy mooning over Poe.”

“And you won’t be able to give Poe too hard a time, cause I’ll be so busy mooning over you,” he replied with a grin. “The Force has its wisdom.”

The group that came back from the hangar consisted of Ben, Rey, Han, Luke, Leia, Chewbacca, Kaydel, Larma, Mon Mothma, and Jocasta. They dragged two tables together on the edge of the dance floor so they could all sit together, and chatted to pass the time before the dancing started. 

“Would it be all right if I asked you a few questions? It’s just that Ben and I have discussed Force bonds so extensively over the years, and I’m fascinated to learn more.” Jocasta leaned forward with bright, sincere eagerness in her eyes. Rey didn’t have the heart to tell her no.

“Oh, um, sure,” she replied, hoping that ‘some questions’ wouldn’t end with her confessing to having two extremely sexual visions about Ben over the past forty-eight hours.

“Can you two maintain your connection while shielding yourselves from everyone else?”

That was an interesting idea that had never occurred to her. She turned to Ben. “Do you wanna give it a shot?”

Luke and Leia chimed in, giving vague instructions based on how they’d refined their own bond, but once Rey opened herself completely to Ben and concentrated on him, she found she didn’t need much help. They ran through a few exercises and found that Rey could shield her thoughts and emotions from him, but not her presence. Ben struggled to shield himself at all from her, but got better as he practiced. When the two of them were fully connected they could shield themselves entirely from everyone else, to the point that not even Luke could sense their presence.

“It’s like they’re not even here,” he said softly. “Fascinating.” 

“Can you speak to each other, as well as communicating feelings?” was Jocasta’s next question. This time it was Ben whose eyes widened in interest. 

He looked across the table and thought the words, _Do you hear me, Rey?_

She grinned and nodded. 

“Try it without eye contact,” Jocasta encouraged. 

Rey and Ben both dutifully closed their eyes. _I’d love another plate of zuchii_, she thought to him. He laughed out loud.

“You can have as much zuchii as you want, Rey.”

Finn, Poe, and Rose reappeared a little while later, looking only a little sheepish as they walked up. 

“Congratulations,” Rey said to Finn and Rose. She wanted to be ecstatic for them, and she mostly was. But she couldn’t deny that it was odd, and jarring. They’d both sworn off soulmates for their entire lives, and now here they were with their new joint soulmate. Would that affect their relationship with each other? Would it affect their relationship with her? She couldn’t know, and Rey had always been averse to change. 

Seeing how happy they were with Poe, and how happy Poe was to be with them, though, eased her fears considerably. Then there was Ben, who was overjoyed that his childhood friend was not only _not_ dead, but had found his true loves as well. Meanwhile, Poe approached the table and put a plate in front of Rey.

“I was told that fried zuchii is the way to your heart,” said Poe, giving her a tentative smile. “I know that you’re Finn and Rose’s best friend, and I’m hoping I can be your friend, too.”

Rey was more touched by the gesture than she could fully articulate, so just grinned at him. “Fried zuchii is _absolutely_ the way to my heart. Thanks, friend.”

“Leia, if I may ask, how is the investigation going?” asked Maz a little while later. 

“You may ask. I only wish there was more to tell. Bazine certainly has a reputation, but not for things of this caliber. What little intelligence we have had had doesn’t make any sense.” 

“She wanted Ben for some kind of freaky Sith thing. I think.” All eyes turned in consternation toward Poe. 

“Go on,” said Luke. 

Poe relayed his story of the dream he’d had before he knew Ben was going to be on the cruise. “After everything happened, I dreamed about it again. This time it was Bazine, very clear. She was talking to someone in a black hood, and she called him Master. He was, uh, less than pleased that she didn’t secure him on ship. There was a lot of screaming—” he gave a pained grimace, as Rose stroked his back soothingly, “And then something about Kylo Ren.”

Rey felt three simultaneous jolts of fear at the table: one from Leia, one from Luke, and the strongest from Ben. She leaned into his side and, much like Rose had just done, rubbed soothing patterns on Ben’s back. She sent him reassurance through the Force as best she could. He put a hand on her knee under the table, both to thank her and for his own comfort.

“All right, since no one’s gonna tell me: who’s Kylo Ren?” Poe asked.

Ben hesitated, then said, “Me. Or, well, I could have been. I guess this means I might still be.”

He recounted for everyone most of what he'd told Rey earlier when they were sitting on her porch: about Snoke targeting him from before he was born, the dark whispers, and Leia’s defeat of Snoke. He also said a few things he’d left out: the dreams that still occasionally haunted not only him, but his mother and uncle as well. Luke had concluded in the first few years after Snoke’s death that there must have been an alternate timeline. In that timeline Leia, never killed Snoke. Instead he rose to power, and Ben eventually fell to the dark side after a tragic fight with Luke. In that timeline, he renounced the name Ben Solo and became Kylo Ren, a masked dark knight with a red, cross-barred lightsaber that sparked and crackled in defiance of the still tender heart locked deep inside himself.

“Hang on. I’m your soulmate. If this was what was ‘supposed’ to happen to you, why haven’t I dreamt about it? Are we not soulmates in this other timeline?”

Ben smiled at her softly. “I can’t imagine any timeline, no matter how horrible, in which you are not my soulmate. I don’t know why you haven’t dreamed about it. I only see snatches of that life. At first I thought it was just nightmares, until I talked to mom and Luke about it.”

“This changes things.” Leia shook her head. “It’s not Bazine herself we need to worry about anymore. It’s her Master.”

“You said she was speaking to someone wearing a dark hood?” Luke asked Poe, who nodded. Leia and Luke exchanged a significant glance.

“It can’t be him,” said Luke. “I watched him fall down that reactor shaft. No one could have survived that fall.”

“How many times have you said to me that nothing is what it seems with the dark side?”

“Uh, excuse me: who are we talking about?” asked Rey.

“The Emperor. Also known as Darth Sidious,” Ben said under his breath. 

Rey’s eyes widened. “No kriffing way. I thought he was dead! Didn’t you kill him?” she pointed at Luke, and then immediately felt contrite at the suddenly gaunt expression on his face. “Not that I’m saying you did a bad job. I just thought he was dead.”

“So did we all, kid,” said Han, looking resigned. “Okay, look: we’ve been here before. So let’s find this Bazine, grill her for information, and let her lead us to her Master. If it _is_ Palpatine, he’s gotta be, what? Seven hundred years old at this point? His joints probably hurt worse than mine by now. How much harm can he really do?”

“There’s no way to know.” Luke shook his head. Rey could see in his eyes that he was far away, wrestling with ghosts from long ago.

“All right, all right.” Maz waved her hands in the air as if to clear it of everyone’s dread. “So Darth Sidious is back. At least this time we’ve got a head start, instead of trying to kill the bastard when he’s already running the whole galaxy. We’ll figure this out. Tonight, though, we dance. Have some of my cherry fruit fizz, Luke. You look like you need it. Desperately.”

There were a few precious hours of levity after that. Everyone partook of the fruit fizz, and watching the Lanai dance with their loved ones was fun. Even Luke began to relax. She found that she liked him, though he was certainly more intimidating at first than the other members of Ben’s family. 

He was in the middle of telling an amusing story about running around with the legendary Master Yoda on his back while training on Dagobah when it happened. 

Rey saw the smile slide off Luke’s face only a fraction of a second before she felt the shift in the Force. The happy, celebratory atmosphere of the party was smashed by a hammer blow of malice and terror. The fires surrounding the dance floor went out, and even the stars were covered in oppressive darkness. An unnatural sound, like the howling winds of a sandstorm, filled Rey’s ears, so loud that it took over every one of her other senses. Very distantly she could hear screaming and crying as everyone else tried to escape in the panic and confusion.

Rey didn’t try to run, but for the first time in her life she also felt unprepared to fight. A kind of fear rolled through her that she hadn’t known since she was a very young child, all alone on Jakku. She felt as though her rope had broken and she’d fallen down into the depths of an abandoned Star Destroyer, and there was no Ben to rescue or comfort her. The depth of her fear shocked her; she knew it was coming from outside of herself, and neither anyone nor anything had ever been able to penetrate her mental defenses without her permission. Which only made her all the more afraid.

“Don’t panic!” Ben reached out and pulled her to him. For a moment she let her guard down completely and hid her face in his chest like a child. The fear was so overwhelming she’d almost forgotten he was there. It only took a few seconds for her to find her strength again.

“What is this?!” she shouted against the roaring.

“I don’t know! I think—”

“Stop shouting, you fools! Use the bond!” Jocasta screamed. Rey knew she was nearby—she’d been no more than two feet away when whatever this was attacked. But it sounded as if she was on the other side of the village.

Rey concentrated, and suddenly he was there, inside her soul as well as right beside her. Relief flooded through her, discordant with the fear and despair clanging against her from the outside. He was as frightened and angry and confused as she was, but he was there. Knowing that helped her remember that Finn and Rose were there, too, and so were Maz and the others. She wasn’t alone. As the panic receded, so too did the noise in her head, and even her vision began to clear. Not by much; she could still only see about ten feet in any direction. But at least she wasn’t quite so trapped in her own senses.

_Together, right? Whatever this is, we face it together,_ said Ben.

Rey nodded. _Yes. All of us, together._

A green lightsaber pierced the dark to Rey’s right, followed swiftly by a blue lightsaber. They were held by Luke and Jocasta. Leia stood in the middle, staring ahead with a face like thunder. In the light of the sabers Rey saw Han and Chewbacca grabbing Finn, Poe, and Rose to lead them in the opposite direction. There was much shouting and protesting, but Rey was grateful. None of them were Force sensitive, and at least if they were out of the way she wouldn’t have to worry about them getting killed.

Rey turned back to face the direction Luke, Jocasta, and Leia were walking. The darkness gathered and teemed just ahead of them, and as Rey walked forward the oppressive Force signature of rage and fear deepened, too. Ben walked beside her, keeping her anchored.

“Stay behind us!” Luke shouted back to them. Rey hated to feel that she was hiding behind Luke, but she understood why he said it: whatever occupied the swirling black space ahead of them, all its energy was directed toward the two of them. Especially Ben.

As they advanced, the darkness shifted. It arced out around the five of them, trapping them in a dome of impenetrable Dark energy. Rey looked behind her, and even when she was most grounded in the Force and in the bond, she couldn’t see beyond the edge the battlefield their opponent had laid out before them. In the center of the dome, a figure materialized from the gloom. The woman stood opposite them, tall and lithe, dressed entirely in black. Her cloak billowed languidly out behind her. Her hood covered most of her face, but a bold, sharp red mouth peeked out from under it. There was something wrong, unnatural about the mouth, despite its superficial beauty. It was stilted, somehow. As if, Rey thought with a flash of clarity, she was a puppet and someone else was pulling her strings.

_Possessed_, Rey thought to Ben. He jumped at the thought, and his mind galloped down pathways Rey could barely follow. She only caught as much as _Snoke_, _not again_, and _please no_.

The woman drew her hood back and revealed a face as beautiful as it was terrible in its evil. Rey saw a quick succession of images through Ben’s mind as he registered that this was Bazine, just as he’d feared. The woman who had targeted him, who had tried to seduce him—who had tried to turn him into Kylo Ren.

Rey had no fear of Kylo Ren; she knew the man beside her was Ben Solo, the same way she knew that she was Rey of Niima, the girl with no surname who escaped Jakku and never returned. There was no reason to waste time on questions. _I won’t let her touch you_, Rey thought to Ben, savage in her determination.

“Who are you? What do you want, and why have you targeted my son?” shouted Leia.

The woman grinned, her eyes manic and her smile so wide and blood-red she resembled a predator in a feeding frenzy.

“All the last Skywalkers, all in one spot! So brave, so stupid. So easy. I really must thank you for playing into my hands, exactly as I’ve foreseen.” Her eyes lit upon Jocasta. “And the librarian! You know, I’ve always hated you, but you’ve always served your purpose. What a lucky day for you, that I need my triumph recorded in history.”

“I don’t know you. You’re unhinged,” Jocasta spat.

“Oh hush now. Just watch,” said Bazine. With a flick of her wrist, she deactivated Jocasta’s lightsaber and sent her body flying upward, where it remained remained suspended in midair. Rey gaped in horror.

Luke rushed forward, lightsaber swung high. Bazine’s hand pitched up. Contrary to everything Rey thought she knew, Luke couldn’t break her hold. His lightsaber remained stuck in the air, only a few feet from slicing her head in two.

“Luke Skywalker,” she crooned. But her voice had changed. It was more guttural, more rasping, and masculine. 

The change in Luke was instantaneous. He became so furious even Rey could feel it—he knew this voice, and it brought back a terror that he’d tried so hard for so long to heal. She felt his rage, and the suffering behind it, and the darkness which called to him. Rey caught flashes of his thoughts: Force lightening, a cackling laugh, his father’s redemption and death in the same moment. 

“_Palpatine!_ I won’t spare you again—I’ll kill you this time!” Luke’s energy in the Force became completely erratic. Rey braced herself; whatever this was, they’d have to fight without him. Leia called to him, but he was too lost to hear her.

Bazine’s face began to change, too. It became broader, squarer, and paler. Her eyes sunk back in her head. Her forehead protruded and became wrinkled. Her sun-kissed skin paled and thinned until it was ghostly white, with the shadows of veins snaking beneath her skin. Within seconds, the beauty of her face melted into a grotesque mask. Her body melted, compacting into someone shorter and stockier. Where once there had stood a woman, now stood a very old, deformed man, his face and hands twisted by long decades of evil. 

Luke howled, and swung his lightsaber again and again to try to kill them man. But he could never get within two feet of his target.

“You have failed, Leia Organa of Alderaan. I will obliterate everything you still cling to, and I will make you watch. Just like when your planet died.”

Before Leia could react, she and Luke were pulled away, toward the edge of the dome, as if a rope and been tied to their ankles, dragged roughly along the ground, screaming and fighting in rage and terror. The cruelty and indignity of it was the worst thing for Rey, until their faces disappeared all together and she realized just how alone and vulnerable she was. If Palpatine could so easily defeat Luke and Leia, how could she and Ben hope to defeat him?

The face now turned, focusing on Ben.

“At last, my boy,” breathed Palpatine, with all the tenderness of a long-lost relative. Rey’s blood ran cold. She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound left her throat. She began to lose her connection to Ben in the Force as Palpatine sank the hooks of his energy into the bright connecting energy of their souls, rending and tearing. It was excruciating.

Palpatine raised his hand. Ben reeled forward, pulled against his will like a fish caught on a hook, until he was close enough for Palpatine to touch his face. The old man gazed into Ben’s eyes for a long, significant moment. “I have been every voice you’ve ever heard inside your head.”

Ben’s Force signature collapsed in on itself. In mind, body, and soul he recoiled, panicked, desperate for a place to hide.

“Come to me, I’ll protect you!” Rey yelled, both out loud and across the bond. But Ben couldn’t hear her. Palpatine had trapped him in his own mind, where he was reliving his childhood traumas over and over. Trying to sleep, while a dark voice tormented him that his family didn’t really love him. Trying to make friends, while the voice whispered that they would never want to know him if they knew he was the grandson of Darth Vader. And now, berating himself now for thinking then that his mother killing Snoke was the end of the dark.

“Poor Rey, if only you hadn’t been so _proud_, so _independent_, maybe your bond wouldn’t have been so easy to break,” sneered Palpatine. “Now see what he suffers because you weren’t strong enough to protect him.”

Ben’s thoughts echoed in her mind. _Stupid, stupid! Sweet little Ben, thinking Mummy doing my dirty work would save me. Thinking I could be free. I’m dark, I’m tainted, nothing can save me_—

_Ben!_ Rey pushed everything she had to him. Her love, her joy, her hope—all of the cherished memories she had of him from when she was a child, all of the new memories they’d created together in just the past two days, and everything she wanted for them in the future. For a half second it seemed like it might work. In his mind she could see him seize upon her name, the concept of her, as if it was the one thing that could save him, could remind him of who he truly was. That someone loved him. But then, with an awful squeeze of energy from Palpatine, even that disintegrated.

_Doesn’t want me—_ said the voice in his mind. _Don’t deserve her—not good enough— should’ve known—tainted—dark._

“No!” She tried with all her strength to go to him, but Palpatine frozen her in place just as effectively as he’d done the others. She couldn’t move. The last thing she saw was his heartbroken expression. Ben looked at her face as though trying to memorize it, then he gently closed off the bond.

“_No!_” 

Darkness fell again, and the roaring sound drowned out everything but her pain, and the sinister voice which had now entered her mind, too.

“You thought you could protect him? You don’t even know who he is. You don’t even know who _you_ are. Don’t you remember, Rey?”

A vision burst into her mind. She tried to block it out, to reject whatever it was Palpatine was trying to show her, but she couldn’t escape. She saw herself, as a toddler, embraced by a terrified woman whom she knew to be her mother. Her mother’s face was kind, worried, loving—a total contrast to the few sparse, violent memories she had of her mother.

“You have to be brave now, Rey,” said the woman. Then she left Rey behind.

“Your mother and father loved you, Rey.” _No_, she thought, _This is wrong. This isn’t what happened._ But the longer the vision went on, the more her own memories faded, and the line between the truth and what Palpatine wanted her to believe became frailer and frailer. “They were trying to hide you from me, because they always knew what I’m going to tell you now. You belong to me. We are the same, you and I. I am your grandfather.”

“Get out of my head!”

“Did you never wonder, why your precious Ben never came to you, all those lonely years on Jakku? What was the excuse he gave you—something about Plutt? No. He knew. He knew, and Luke knew, and Leia knew: you are a Palpatine, like your father and grandfather before you. They fear you, because they know they cannot control you. Do not deny your blood, Rey. Why not join me? You’ve seen the suffering in this galaxy. As Empress, with me by your side, you can put an end to all of it.”

Palpatine rooted around in her mind, brutally, rooting out every one of her objections and crushing them with multiple contradictory visions until she didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. Was it true that Ben had known she was a Palpatine? Was it true that she’d already agreed to sit on a Sith throne, with Ben at her side? Did she really wield a red lightsaber? Rey fought, and fought to hold onto her memories, her sense of reality, but the more she fought the harder Palpatine smashed at her, until she found that the only way to avoid the pain was not to fight him.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he said, almost repentant. “It was supposed to be so much easier for both of us. But do not fear; we will set it right. Let me show you, what should have been.”

Another vision, of Ben fallen to the dark side in his late teens. Kylo Ren, the name echoed in her mind. Snoke, monstrous and grotesque, master of Kylo and leader of the First Order—and avatar of Palpatine. Then a confused blur of images, ending with Luke, Leia, and Ben all dead. Rey stood on a desert planet, telling someone her name was Rey Skywalker, while the soul of Palpatine shone in her eyes.

Rey doubled over and vomited onto the ground.

“You will not join me?” the question was casual. He’d seen every corner of her mind; he knew she’d rather die. “Fine, then. Your suffering will be the perfect motivation for Ben.”

The torture began in earnest. Palpatine shot Force lightening from his fingertips that arced along her entire nervous system. She screamed and writhed, but there was nothing she could do to escape the pain. It would have been enough to defeat her even without the visions, but they didn’t stop. Faster and faster she saw the versions of reality Palpatine wanted her to see. There were her real memories of her mother and father, spliced and folded into even greater horrors that never happened. There were flashes of herself as a Dark Empress, with Ben at her side on a throne that looked like a jagged flower. She saw herself stabbing Ben, killing him, over and over and over.

Time and reality bent and faltered, until she was locked in a black hole of suffering, timeless and endless in every direction. So often she thought what she saw was real: that she had killed Ben, and that Leia had in turn killed her in revenge. That Kylo Ren had offered her his hand to join him and lead the First Order, and when she refused him he sliced her in two with his red lightsaber. Every time the moment of her death arrived, she thought she would truly die. The torture was all the worse because every time she clung to life, to hope, to her love of the self she wasn’t even sure existed anymore. And every time she thought that it was all was over, the nightmare began again.

_Rey_. 

A new voice fluttered into her mind, interrupting the Knights of Ren beating her while Kylo laughed in the background. It was just a whisper at first, in the loudest parts of the visions.

_Rey_. A pause, as Rey died on the interrogation table, only to be reborn to watch Kylo behead an informant. _Rey, I’m so sorry. I never wanted any of this_.

More visions, and then _Destroy the necklace. I’ll tell you when_.

Rey felt no more capable of destroying a necklace than saving Ben, whom she’s just watched die in her arms seconds after their first kiss. But she tucked it away, this concept of a necklace that needed to be destroyed. Her mind was slipping, and she found the idea somehow funny, that destroying someone’s jewelry was the answer to all her problems.

But something was shifting. The visions were mostly still as bad as ever, but ever so slowly the physical pain began to lessen. Sensation returned to her body, bruised and tormented as it was. Her mind began to clear, ever so slowly. She was on Takodana, not Tattooine, not Exogol, not Jakku. The things she was seeing weren’t real. She was fighting, not dying. There was no Kylo Ren—her soulmate was Ben, and he was somewhere close by, and he needed her.

The visions themselves began to shift. There were some that featured her and Ben living on Naboo, playing with their children on the beach while Han and Leia looked on. They were painful in their joy, because she knew that the respite would only be brief.

She pushed along the edges of her mental barrier, and was shocked when it actually worked. She could think independently of what she was seeing. Instead of her entire consciousness being eaten up by Palpatine’s cruelty, she could essentially ignore it, like a holovid playing in the background while her attention was occupied elsewhere. She began to feel out, tentatively, gently—what was that voice she heard?

_Almost. Not yet_, said the voice.

“Who are you?”

_Bazine_. Another image came into her mind, completely separate of Palpatine. A vision of a teenage girl, with burn scars on her upper body and head, saying “Master” to the voice that emanated from an ugly gold ring with a hunk of black rock in it.

Rey waited. She still couldn’t see or hear anything outside of her own mind. She didn’t know whether Ben was alive or dead, though she guessed that if he was dead Palpatine wouldn’t bother continuing to torture her. 

_Now!_

Rey gathered all of her strength and directed it like the canons of a dreadnaught directly at the image in her mind of the gold ring on a chain around Bazine’s neck.

Three sounds pierced the newly silenced air. The rock shattered, breaking the runes etched into the side of the ring and scattering the energy that been focused within it. Bazine screamed in pain, and Palpatine in rage and defeat. She felt Palpatine’s hold on the physical world break, and she felt his impotent clawing and tearing as he was pulled back into the Force, into nothingness, from which he could no longer return. 

The blast sent Rey hurtling backwards. She landed painfully on her upper back, which knocked the wind out of her and rattled her already unsteady thoughts. But she was alone in her own mind for the first time in what felt like years. Even as she felt consciousness slipping away she was relieved. This wasn’t death, just a concussion, she reasoned. Unless this was all just another cruel joke of Palpatine’s, she’d live this time.

“Rey. Brave Rey, darling Rey.” Though the voice was gentle, loving, and maternal in a way that Rey had always desperately craved, she was quite thoroughly sick of other people in her mind. She groaned and tried to turn away.

“No more voices in my head,” she whined.

“I know, I know you’re tired. But I’m not in your mind, Rey, I promise. Try to open your eyes.”

The voice was soothing and healing. Rey cracked her eyes open a tiny bit and saw what was surely a Force ghost. She’d heard of them, but never saw one before. This woman looked real, but a faint light surrounded her, as if Rey was looking at her through a pane of slightly smudged glass. If that hadn’t been enough, the aura of peace and healing that surrounded her would have told Rey the truth.

“Am I dead too?” asked Rey.

“No, you’re not dead,” the woman smiled at her indulgently, and sat down on the ground next to her.

“Who are you?” Rey tried to sit up, but got immediately dizzy and slumped back down again. The woman fussed over her for a moment. Rey thought she could almost feel the touch of the woman’s hand on her forehead.

“Don’t try to get up yet. You’re still too weak. My name is Shmi Skywalker: I’m Ben’s great grandmother.”

“Oh.” A pause. “I don’t mean to be rude but—why are you here? Where’s Ben?”

“The others are still unconscious, but don’t worry. They’ll be awake soon. I’m here to offer you penance.”

“Penance. Where was your kriffing penance when Palpatine was scrambling my brain? And why are you coming to me, and not Ben?” The pounding in Rey’s head had grown steadily worse, and the effort of keeping her eyes open made her angry. 

“I’ve watched over you both as much as I could for your entire lives. He kept me from coming to you before now. I came as soon as I could. I’m with you both, now. I can speak to you both at once.” Shmi gave her an affectionate smile, which she hardly felt she deserved after her outburst. “And I truly am sorry. I’ve come because the Force expected far too much from you from far too young an age. You’ve gone through so much, and balance should have been restored long before you were born. It’s not a conversation for right now, when you’re unwell. We can talk again later. Right now, I’m here to offer you another vision. Of the truth.”

“No more visions, please!”

“I know you’re scared. But if you can stand it, I can show you what really happened. I can heal the damage to your memories. You won’t forget the things he showed you, but you won’t confuse them with the truth. You don’t have to do this; some things we have to look at will be painful. But it will speed up your healing. I’ll be here the whole time.”

Rey considered the offer for what felt like a long time, lying on the ground and staring up at the sky, feeling the soothing presence of Shmi Skywalker beside her. She felt the solid ground beneath her, the gentle breeze on her face, heard the sounds of people beginning to walk around in the distance. Finally, she nodded. “Can you hold my hand?”

“Not the way I could if I were truly there,” she said, a little sadly. She put her hand over Rey’s, and while it didn’t feel the same as being physically held, Rey could feel Shmi’s presence in the Force that much stronger. “Does this help?”

Rey nodded.

The vision began with Rey seeing herself as a small child, screaming after her mother and father as they left her with Plutt. Long days of carving her marks into the wall of her AT-AT followed, punctuated with the bright spots of her connection with Ben. She watched herself grow up and decide to leave Jakku, then bounce around the Outer and Mid Rim planets before finally landing in Takodana. All of her memories were back where she thought they should be. Finn, Rose, and Maz were there, and so was Ben.

She flinched when she saw herself from that day, standing beside Ben and walking into the darkness. “Courage,” Shmi reminded her. She saw the battle from outside of herself: Palpatine used the amulet Bazine wore around her neck as a method of focusing his power in the physical realm; the runes carved into it kept his toehold on the real world alive. He used the amulet to exist within Bazine’s soul as a parasite, gaining ever more power until he was finally ready to overtake her completely. His goal was to transfer himself from Bazine to Ben. Ever since Luke had defeated him all those years ago he’d become obsessed with ending the Skywalker name, and tainting the legacy forever. Ben, powerful as he was in the Force, was the perfect target for his schemes. Or so he thought.

Rey watched as Palpatine taunted Luke, Leia, and Jocasta. He levitated Jocasta, cast out the twins, and drew Ben forward, just as Rey remembered. She saw as Palpatine used Rey’s torment to try to make Ben fall to the dark side. She couldn’t see the visions Ben saw, but from the look on his face she knew his trauma was on the same level as her own. Palpatine tried continually to convince Ben to join him, offering power, promising him he could keep Rey as his consort, and so on. But Ben refused to embrace the dark.

Meanwhile, on the outside of the dome, the others were hard at work. Han and Chewbacca shouted orders at Rose, Finn, and Poe to get the civilians out of the way of the battle. The five of them shepherded Takodanan citizens away from the castle, while Luke, Leia, Maz, and the Lanai formed a circle around the outside of the dome. They pushed back against the perimeter with their light. It had felt like to Rey like she was under Palpatine’s thrall for months, years even, but in truth it wasn’t long—probably only about twenty minutes—before the edges of Palpatine’s trap began to waver. Maz shouted something at Han, who took off with the others in the direction of Rey’s cottage. They came back driving Rey’s goats ahead of them.

Seeing the battle through Shmi’s eyes meant she could feel the emotions of everyone involved, as if she had a lower-level Force bond with everyone. She could even feel her goats. The Force users couldn’t penetrate the borders of the dome; the energy was too strong. But Palpatine wasn’t guarding against animals, most of whom recoiled from him anyway. Focused as he was on trying to break Ben’s spirit, torture Rey, and keep the Force users out, he didn’t expect the simple love and stubborn protectiveness of a goat.

Matters of the Force were beyond Princess; she didn’t care about much beyond getting her food on time, having a place to get out of the sun when it was too hot, and getting a nice scratch behind the ears sometimes. Rey gave her all of that, and loved her, too. Princess understood love as well as any creature, and she wasn’t about to stand by while the woman who loved her got hurt. She marched herself up to the man and bit down hard on his ass. (Though she’d never bitten Rey and never would, she knew through experience that one hard chomp on the bottom usually put an end to human foolishness.)

It was Princess that broke Palpatine’s concentration long enough for Rey to blast at the amulet. Rey watched as the light returned to her eyes just in time for her to gather the full strength of her power and blast it, teeth bared, directly at the necklace around Palpatine’s throat. The ring shattered, creating a huge shockwave that blasted away Palpatine’s dome and rendered everyone—goats, Skywalkers, humans, and Force users—totally unconscious. Palpatine himself instantly became a wraith in the wind, totally powerless. Bazine was knocked out like the others, but Rey could see that she was mostly unharmed. The fires that went out around the castle when Palpatine arrived whooshed back to life. 

The vision ended, leaving Rey feeling lighter and healthier than she thought possible. Her breathing was easier, and the pounding migraine had finally receded. “I’m not a Palpatine after all.”

Shmi cocked her head to the side. “No, you’re not. He lied because he knew how much you longed for a family. But even if you were related by blood, you would never be ‘a Palpatine.’ He couldn’t offer you anything you wanted, so he tried to break you. And he couldn’t even succeed at that. So no, you are no Palpatine. You are Rey, and that is enough. Don’t forget that.”

Shmi faded away, leaving Rey to stare up at a starlit sky until she felt her dizziness subside enough to get up and go in search of Ben. She found him only about seven feet away, sprawled uncomfortably with his arms reaching out in the direction she’d been laying. She knelt down beside him, wincing a bit at her sore knees and elbows. She cradled his cheek in her hand and felt for any injuries he might have. Like her he had some cuts and bruises, but nothing serious. 

“Ben,” she called softly. He stirred, and leaned into her hand. Then he opened his eyes, saw her, and smiled. Her relief was powerful, but in the absence of her fear she also realized that she wasn’t quite as recovered as she thought she was. She laid down next to him and put her head on his shoulder.

“Sorry, but I’m too nauseated to stand and I want to be near you.”

“Hmm, I’m in the same kind of shape.”

Maz found them, and gave them both a mild shock by healing them. “I’m no Jedi, but I know the Force,” she’d always said, and she turned out to be right. Rey felt as good as new by the time Maz was finished with her. 

Ben and Rey joined Maz and Luke in healing all those who were injured by the attack, while Leia interrogated Bazine. Eventually Ben took Rey’s hand and led her over to where Leia stood with Bazine. The transformation had obviously been rough on her physically as well as emotionally. She looked haggard, and startled violently at the smallest sound. Rey had never seen another person look so torn down. 

“Are you going to kill me?” she asked as they approached, not even bothering to lift her head. Rey considered Bazine for a long moment, silently scanning her energy in the Force. She communicated with Ben through their bond as well; not in words but exchanging feelings. She told him that Bazine had helped her defeat Palpatine, and asked what he felt should be done with her, since he had been the one targeted the most. Ben agreed with Rey that killing her was what Palpatine would have done, and that the time for killing was over. 

“No,” Rey said at last. “You gave me the information I needed to destroy Palpatine, even if it meant your own death. I believe you’re worth saving.” She leveled a stare at Bazine. “Do you?”

“I don’t know.” Bazine shook her head. 

Ben stepped forward and reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, but drew it back befor he touched her. “I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. He lived in my mind when I was very young, but I had a family who knew what was happening to me. They did everything they could to counteract his influence. I know you didn’t have that. And you had to suffer with him for much longer than I did. You don’t deserve to die, Bazine. You deserve help. Let my mother help you.”

She stared up at him, lost, and then nodded. “All right.”

Jocasta came up to them, smiling broadly. “I’ve been speaking with the Lanai. They want to resume the party. No one’s been critically injured, and they say it’s important to celebrate when a powerful dark sider has been defeated.”

“All right by me,” said Rey. “Though I’m a little too tired to dance.”

Soon they were all arranged around the fire and were waiting with the rest of the guests for the Lanai to start the stories. 

“Did you know?” Rey asked Poe, from her position on Ben’s lap. Almost losing him had worn her aversion to public displays of affection down to nothing. “Did you know you had two soulmates?”

Poe laughed, and turned to kiss first Rose’s forehead and then Finn’s. They were cuddled up on either side of him, plastered to him in the way that most new soulmates are, but Rey wondered if they were especially affectionate with him because he’d been so long without them. Knowing Rose and Finn like she did, she imagined they probably felt guilty for being together while he was alone (not that they had any control over that).

“No, I didn’t. To be honest, I was starting to think I might not even have one, let alone two. Imagine my surprise,” he said with a grin.

At the mention of someone thinking they didn’t have a soulmate, Ben drew her a little closer to himself. Whether it was conscious or unconscious she didn’t know, but she was glad to be there, a physical presence to remind him of how much he was loved.

“Did you really name a goat after me?” Han said, leaning over Leia’s lap. She might have thought he was offended, but she saw the smirk that reminded her powerfully of Ben.

“I did.”

“Yeah, she did. And do you know how she describes his personality? ‘Grumpy, harmless old sod,’” Ben piped in.

“That sounds accurate, as a matter of fact,” said Leia. Han made a noise of protest, but smiled softly.

Look at these people, Rey thought to herself. I have a family.

When the party was over, Ben followed Rey home. He’d offered to stay in his room at the castle, but Rey wouldn’t hear of it.

“I spent twenty-five years sleeping alone, and I never want to again.”

They got ready for bed and then curled up together. She could feel Ben’s emotions in the Force again: he marveled at the softness of her skin, the way she smelled like honey and sunshine and home, and the way his heart fluttered at even the most sweet, innocent touch from her. She ran her hands through his hair and he hummed in soul-deep satisfaction.

“I knew you’d like that,” she said shyly. “I saw some things. In a vision.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, more than one, actually. Yesterday and today. The first two though, were just the two of us, getting to know one another. Um. In bed.”

“Oh really?” he said. He raised his head to grin at her. “Anything I should know?”

She blushed deeper and bit her lip. “Yeah, maybe. But I saw something else, too: our future, Ben. At first I thought it was a trick from Palpatine, but now I don’t think so. I didn’t see it until he was already losing control. We were—”

Ben put a finger to her lips, ever so gently. She kissed his finger. “Were we together?” he asked. 

She nodded.

“Were we happy?” 

She nodded again. “Oh, Ben. It was like a dream.”

“Then don’t worry. Whatever it is, I’ll make sure it happens. I’m going to make all your dreams come true.”

She looked up at his sweet, beloved face, and felt more at home than she ever had in her life. “I love you, Ben.”

He kissed her then, finally. It was every bit as wonderful to feel his lips on hers as it had been in her visions, but now even more so because she knew it was real. _I love you_, he said across the bond. With every kiss he said again, _I love you, I love you, I love you_. 

They were both nearly asleep when she said, “And listen, we can move to Naboo, but we’re taking my goats.”

“Of course we’re taking the goats.” Ben’s voice was heavy with sleep, but still a little miffed. “What kind of man do you take me for: a puffed up spoiled inner rim princeling?”


End file.
